


Orbit of Love

by turquoise_moon



Category: Tales of Zestiria
Genre: Alternate Universe-Parallel Worlds, Canon Retelling, Dom/sub Undertones, Domestic Disputes, F/F, F/M, M/M, Male Pregnancy, Mikleo is Bad at Feelings, Mild Kink/S&M, Modern and Medieval Fusion, POV Alternating, Sorey Doesn't Remember, Time Loop/Time Skips, Warfare-Feudal Age
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-22
Updated: 2020-04-14
Packaged: 2021-02-28 21:40:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 35,374
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23264113
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/turquoise_moon/pseuds/turquoise_moon
Summary: Sorey looks up and suddenly, it seems like the sky is falling.And the day the sky fell was the day he realized for the first time that he must be in love.But chasing love is not an easy task. Not when it requires a hater's sense of justice, and a lover's sense of truth.And then there's Heaven's Stairway that needs to be breached... the gate to that one parallel world where heroes have never been born and all laws are broken, but where anything you desire can be yours...That is, if you can defeat the God of Lies, the Eye of Illusions, the Lord of Discord, and the Emperor of All Malevolent Things... or sacrifice the one thing you cannot lose for the price of that one thing that matters.
Relationships: Mikleo & Sorey (Tales of Zestiria), Mikleo/Sorey (Tales of Zestiria)
Comments: 1
Kudos: 45





	1. Friendships Are Like Satellites...

**Author's Note:**

> By the way, I'm using a title I've used once for an old fic called "Do you Remember, Love?" (changed to "A River of Midnight Stars" as explained here, see notes, chapter 3 of this current fic). Sorry, I know I haven't been updating for a while, but all my stories have a middle and an ending in my head... it just takes a lot of energy to write them especially when school drains you so much.
> 
> Sadly this crisis is emotionally draining as well. So I'm not sure if updating my fics is appropriate at this time when the world seems to be spinning into chaos and everyone seems busy worrying about more important things. But hey, let's cheer up, we can't let these things get us down.
> 
> So while I'm thinking of those chapters I need to write for my other fics, let me attempt to be entertaining.
> 
> Now on with the story.

**o)------------o)O(o------------(o**

_One day the earth will open wide_

_And I'll follow you inside_

_'Cause the only hell I know is without you_

_Some day when galaxies collide_

_We'll be lost on different skies_

_I will send my rocket ship to find you_

_Because I know you're lost when you run away_

_Into the same black holes and black mistakes_

_Taking all my will just to run alone_

_Until I bring you home..._

_Even if the sky does fall_

_Even if they take it all_

_There's no pain that I won't go through_

_Even if I have to die for you_

_And if the sun grows cold for you along the way_

_And if the stars don't line to light the way_

_And when you fall away and crash back down below_

_I'll search the skies for you_

_And I'll follow in_ _your afterglow_

 _And_ _bring you home..._

_-Starset, "Die for You"_

**o)------------o)O(o------------(o**

I heard someone say (I forget who) that when poverty knocks on the door, love flies out of the window.

But no one said anything about one crashing into your roof, knocking your lights out, and giving you the most beatific smile under all that starlight shining through your shattered ceiling.

Through it all, you forget the repairs that have to be made in the morning... or the excuses you have to make when your landlady comes in from her work shift to find half of her property in ruins.

Like it's been hit by a comet, a falling star, or a faulty missile. (Not that I've seen any of those things up close. So how about a chip of meteor, a flaming rock, or the kid-next-door's homemade rocket?) 

Whatever it is, you casually tell your landlady that at least you got to make a wish. After all, it couldn't have been anything _but_ a wishing star, though you know too well only bigger idiots than you would believe.

Rose, of course, simply grins at the mess then, grinning even more, pounds me with her fist. I apologize, but she casually volunteers to fix the problem right after kicking me and my stuff into the basement, which, from then on, becomes my bedroom until everything is back in place.

Despite all that or maybe because of it, I couldn't help thinking what a resilient person Rose must be. Nothing in this universe or beyond seems able to faze or upset her too much.

Then again, the same attitude tells me that something seems off... like being too calm about all this can't be normal for someone who's never been a firm believer in weird, extraterrestrial stuff or the supernatural.

It could be there's a valid reason behind it too. Like explaining the impossible is only courting paradox. When logic fails to render facts visible, tireless speculations could only be more of an aggravation than a solution. There's nothing to explain, after all, when there's practically nothing _normal enough_ in what happened that _can_ be explained to begin with.

And overthinking doesn't help either. Sometimes I tell myself, no matter how crazy things get, there _must_ be an answer to everything even if everyone is still looking.

Conceit aside, some answers aren't even _that_ hard to find. If only the real cause would explain things clearly in order to justify what he's doing, occupying my bed and shamelessly taking over my personal space... _and_ my life, to say the least, for the past two-and-a-half weeks. I don't even know how I've managed to keep _him_ a secret this long. He seems unconcerned and uncomprehending of the trouble... no, more like the _disasters_ I put up with just to protect his big secret.

It's not like he's unappreciative or ungrateful. It's just that he doesn't seem to care about secrets the same way we do. Or maybe he's the type to believe in proverbial sayings like, _the secret to a happy life is too keep away from secrets_.

Maybe I should have listened. But then again, maybe there are some secrets worth the risk. Maybe there are inevitable things like fate or destiny, and I just happen to be some insignificant pebble waiting for a tempest... some force of nature that could blow me off the face of the earth.

The way some being from another world can blow your mind and leave you hurting for more. 

"Sorey?"

"Yeah?" I push my laptop down as I swivel my chair to a full one-hundred-and-eighty degrees to face my pristine intruder stretched out on a pale, floral duvet, looking like a delicate primrose among spring flowers. I notice how his complexion almost seems transparent... a subtle, glowing sheen with the slightest blush of color.

I meet his eyes with a slight intake of breath. It seems my body has a mind of its own whenever my attention is drawn to him. And no matter how often it happens I could never get used to it.

"Just one question. What's a date?"

I had to mentally punch myself to unclog my brain and sink back to reality. This sounds weird, but even the simplest questions seem astronomically distracting when he's the one asking them.

"Oh, they're numbers on a calendar... like the one I have right here." I pointed at the planner tacked on the cork board facing me when I'm studying. Mikleo gave me a blank stare, and I almost smiled.

Right, did I already mention how cute he looks when he huffs through those pouting lips? When he gazes up at me like a toddler who has no idea what I'm talking about?

The way he does it is almost pure delight. 

"So... are those numbers so special that girls ask for them all the time?"

Girls? And dates? So that's it. I wonder why I've thought of numbers to begin with. The association hardly betrays innocence or virginity... like I have any right to deny those things either. But the topic _does_ make me realize how pathetic my life has become that I entirely stopped thinking about the opposite sex as a source of hope or consolation.

I scrunched up my face to make it seem like I've only begun to consider the question. "Well, what exactly brought that up?"

He purses his lips, and his eyebrows begin to twitch slightly. His concentration baffles and amazes me.

"Because your cellphone has all these messages. Like your 'Aunt Lailah' wants to know if it's okay to meet up with Alisha. She sent you ten messages asking when you're gonna ask Alisha out on a date."

As he spoke, I watched him scroll down my phone for more messages. I wonder why I'm not even trying to stop him from messing with my personal stuff or how I could be perfectly calm hiding an alien in my bedroom. It's not like I've been intimidated or bribed to keep him safe from any outsider or unwanted attention. But for some reason, just watching him satiate his curiosity by poking around, sniffing... touching... doing (even somewhat ridiculous) things to my belongings is sort of comforting... even flattering, I guess? It makes me realize, _here's one person who doesn't give a damn about boundaries_. He'd crash into your territory with deliberate grace (and with a million apologies for later) if it's something worth his interest.

More than anything, I notice how his soft, lavender eyes sparkle when he's learning something new. Somehow I wonder if he's more interested in my stuff than in their owner. Then again, what kind of _normal_ person even asks about that or thinks about it? 

So I casually replied "Alisha's a friend." Somehow, my foggy brain warns that I shouldn't say more.

"So... she's just like me then," he whispers thoughtfully, his brows squeezed together. "So in the human world, friends go on dates... like some sort of practice... a common expectation. I should remember that."

Frankly, though _that_ sounds wrong, I've no idea how to correct it, or to even start explaining what's wrong with it. But to his credit, Mikleo must have a pretty good memory to recall my exact words. That night he crashed into my roof beneath a pale, blue moon and all its stars, he asked me what humans think of aliens because those were my words. I asked him if he were an alien, and he replied with a question.

 _"Is an alien a friend or a foe?"_

He carries a language translator, a device that looks like a pocket-size calculator with buttons that make tiny beeping sounds when you push them. I thought it was a toy when he brought it out of his side pocket and pushed it down my face to record my voice, he explains.

The translator seems to have a childish way of oversimplifying things by reducing everything into prototypes. Whatever you say gets registered as either a _typical_ or an _ideal example_ of the topic at hand _._ So when I said that "an alien can be a friend... just like you," he must have recorded it as an example, a prototype of all possible friends in the past, present, and future... or in all possible worlds and realities that ever existed _and_ could possibly exist in human history.

He forgets that symbolically, we have not only denotations but connotations too. All words have their plain, simple meanings as recorded in dictionaries. However, human communication rarely keeps to those literal definitions. Personal meanings have a syntax that often explodes into a riot of subtexts, contexts, and a whole disarray of associations derived from social interactions and experiences.

Even Mikleo's advanced intellectual skills can't keep up with our orderly chaos. Not that I mind. 

And I think Mikleo somehow _enjoys_ the fact that he can't keep up either. In fact, whenever I marvel at the awkward outdated _ness_ of his alien equipment, he would counter so smugly with "simple things are better" as if he expects me to agree completely. In their world, communication devices like cellphones are pretty much useless if not irrelevant. They use telepathy and a universal medium that no longer relies on and, in fact, surpasses any form of symbolism or imagery.

I presume they must be innately acquired rather than teachable or reducible to simple formulas. But to be able to completely read off minds like a book... to arrive at an absolute understanding that gets rid of any potential miscommunication or ambiguity... 

To be perfectly honest, it seems almost as scary as it is amazing. Imagine a world where all truths are penetrable... where lies could _never_ be told no matter the cost. 

I couldn't even imagine how terribly dysfunctional a human would be in a world like that. It was enough reason not to make me curious enough to ask.

While I was thinking, Mikleo inched up to me with a stern expression that I knew perfectly well wasn't angry. He seems to get like that when something excites him. I think he struggles way too much not to show his true feelings that he ends up showing the exact opposite. 

"Would you have time to show me what a date is like? After all, I promised to embark on a cultural journey like no other by experiencing things first-hand. Isn't that a worthy goal for an alien such as myself?"

I found myself reacting mentally at his self-reference. He's so quick to learn almost anything that I keep forgetting he's an alien who, just about two weeks ago, knew almost nothing of this world. Now he can start a conversation with little prompting, even fill in missing information, follow context cues, and make a lot of communication progress altogether. He's as brilliant as he's beautiful... like a flower of truth and purity unseeded by any wind of malice, ill-will... or self-conscious desire.

A part of me wished he could stay like that longer. A greater part of me though seemed almost afraid that I might get my wish. 

I became suddenly aware of his lips, his forehead so close to mine that I could almost feel his breath. I tore my eyes away and moved back a little.

He looked confused for a moment, then following my movement slipped back into the far end of the bed. _His_ end. Being a gentleman, I took up sleeping on a futon so he could have as much space as he wanted. 

I couldn't help scratching my cheek as I glanced his way. "Look, no need to get worked up over things like that, all right? Besides, a date is... nothing much. It's just having fun... with another person... in ways that make the other person realize how special she is."

"So... I guess you have done it many times?" Mikleo sounded worried, but I couldn't be too sure. "You must know how to give girls a good time then, Sorey. It must be some sort of an achievement, something that makes you feel good about yourself, am I right?"

My mind squirmed at the implications. "C'mon, you don't have to make it sound like we only do things to make ourselves feel good."

"Was I wrong?"

He looked baffled, almost hurt. His insecurities are so transparent you might call them childish. I can't help but smile like I'm seeing a part of me the way others must have seen it when I was a kid.

"It's not _that_ bad, if that's what you mean. It's just being... too egoistic."

"Egoistic... right." I see him punch some buttons on his translator. "Oh, you mean _selfish_. So how do you stop that from happening?"

"Uh, what do you mean?" I ask, though a vague part of me knows that being egoistic must mean more than just _that_.

"How do humans control the urge to make themselves feel good?"

"Well..." While searching for an answer that might satisfy, I realized I have to bullshit my way through this one as there really is no _honest_ answer to that question. 

"I guess we make sacrifices," was the reply I ended up with. The bullshit seemed conceitedly heroic, I know, but Mikleo's an alien and I only want to make a good first impression.

Mikleo seems to consider it seriously though as has been his regular habit whenever we get into these kinds of _instructional_ conversations. He typically applies a Socratic approach to ensure that he understands things thoroughly, from the basics down to every single exception. He practically obsesses over every new information, going so far as to come up with the most absurd hypotheticals to test his own comprehension until he's certain he's learned the new concept to his own satisfaction.

I watch him rest his eyes on the wall as if to ponder the deepest mysteries of the cosmos. I love seeing him brood a little, the way a certain hunger haunts his lavender eyes as if nothing could ever soak his mind enough... as if everything is a puzzle to be solved, and the slightest error in judgment and understanding could shake the very foundations of his existence or the harmony of his soul.

I've never met anyone or anything like him and probably never will. The realization is unpleasant because it always makes me sad when I think about it. 

Mikleo clears his throat. "So then a man must be ready to give his partner pleasures and joys he deprives himself of, and in so doing make the experience of dating even more fun. Controlling the urge to feel good is a sacrifice..."

I know Mikleo repeats these things out loud for his own benefit as he turns and finally gives me that look of victory, that satisfied grin that makes you feel overwhelmed as if he's thanking you for saving his life. "So naturally, those who fail to control this urge... are selfish, egoistic creatures who put their own desires first... caring little about what the other person feels, unable to sacrifice his wants and needs, his pleasures and desires for that person you call a friend or in this case a da-"

"Stop-look, Mikleo... I think we're taking this _way_ too seriously!" You might think I'm the one overreacting but, you see, Mikleo has a tendency to over-generalize and mistake meager conclusions for life-changing philosophies. 

And once he locks onto some idea and believes in it, he adamantly refuses to let anyone make excuses for not following it through. He thinks of truths and ideals as unchanging laws that the universe needs to advance onto some higher plane of consciousness... an existence where beings might evolve into the perfection that they are meant to achieve.

Little does he realize that we're not quite ready for that. I don't want to be perfect if being perfect means not being able to talk to him the way I'm doing right now.

Language creates reality. In a world where language no longer exists, you lose that sense of control and power.

In a world where no words are needed to be understood, I imagine we become mere puppets, characters in a story made by some omniscient god... spoken for and removed from anything that creates that world and moves it into being. 

Mikleo looks at me with a fond expression as if he understands quickly the reason for my concern. Or maybe he doesn't quite understand so he's willing to trust his instincts that I know what I'm saying.

In truth, it makes me feel guilty not being able to be of much help at all. Emotional things are harder to explain because they're not easy to generalize for everyone. And I don't want him to misunderstand any more than I do these things.

"Mikleo... I wish I know how to simplify all the stuff you find interesting. I guess this is one of those things where... uh... I wouldn't even know exactly where to start."

"Don't worry, it's not important."

"Huh?" His eyes become a little evasive as I stare back speechlessly.

"What I mean is... I don't think it matters much if we go on a date as friends do."

My heart starts racing, and suddenly I feel an urgent need to deny something there though I can't tell which part or how.

Mikleo gazes at me with an expression of wonder and gratitude, and I swear, I just can't help but ask...

 _Where have you been all my life?_

He smiles, and I curse myself for being mesmerized like an idiot.

"Maybe I don't know you as much as 'this Alisha' does, but I'm quite certain you're not a selfish person, Sorey. I mean... I don't know if it's proper to describe this feeling this way... but my heart tells me you're a good person. You always look after others like their problems are your own. At least I know that much from the way you've been taking care of me. I'm grateful for everything you've done.. things you probably have to put up with for having me here. It's the reason I don't have to go on a date with you to find out how much I like you already... as a friend."

He lays a hand on my shoulder, and I feel a strange heat run through my body, making my chest throb as if I've been running. "And I wouldn't mind if you think of me as a good friend too, Sorey."

I swallow hard. He still thinks that friends date each other and that it's normal the way _normal_ goes in the human world. The presumption makes me smile not because it lacks information or anything... but more so because... uh, it's unexpectedly cute the way Mikleo misunderstands things sometimes?

I guess the beauty of imperfection is that it draws us together, closer, because we have to make up for each other's flaws.

The way Mikleo's confused expression makes my stomach squeeze a little, my insides hurt a little with a frustrating ache, makes me realize just one more thing about him.

He's an alien I don't mind being imperfect for all the right reasons in the universe. I just hope he doesn't mind my imperfections either.

Because I have a lot to begin with. But as all sacrifices go, it takes a little lie to protect someone important from a lie that kills.

In Mikleo's universe, love is a fallacy because (as the theory goes) lovers are liars who love talking about themselves, casting their reflections on the other person, creating the other in his own image and likeness unable to see or recognize the difference.

I guess it follows that the more one loves, the more he affirms how much he loves himself mirrored in the eyes of another.

In such a world, love seems to be nothing more than just a temporary phase. Because for all those things love lacks, there is such a thing as friendship. 

And, Mikleo tells me, friendships are like satellites. The gravity that keeps other people close is the same that keeps friends at a safe distance.

Because friends are people you can't get too close to, to begin with, without the risk of losing the spaces in between that keep you both in orbit. Like the moon it's a constant presence that's close enough to be a light in the dark but never too close to be a necessary heat, a blazing brilliance that burns like the sun.

We need people in our lives who can balance us, make us stable without providing all the support and taking all the abuse. Friends make us realize that we are not alone... but if anyone had to ask, I think we need more than just friends to keep us from getting lonely.

Somehow sleeping almost next to Mikleo in a cramped basement room with more junk than treasure, I realize one _other_ thing.

I'm not lonely anymore.

 **o)------------o)O(o------------(o**


	2. Some Secrets Are Like Stars...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorey's troubles seem to be piling up really fast. And it's all because of a stubborn creature that crashed into his life like a comet. 
> 
> And his name is Mikleo.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm planning to finish my fics within the month... while I still can because once school starts, I'd probably have even less time to do anything outside studying... and I'm preparing for government exams so... I want my fics done by then.
> 
> Thanks for reading!

**o)------------o)O(o------------(o**

"So... what's up with you, Sorey? You always seem to be running away when you see me."

I gave Rose a quizzical stare as I swallow the last spoonful of curry that I could shove down my throat for breakfast. "I'm running late, and you know it's exams week, don't you?"

"Oh yeah? Well, it's not like I'm talking about you running to school. I'm talking about you running from practically everyone as if you're too busy to stop and chat like a _normal_ human being? Zaveid tells me he can't even drag you to the canteen for a snack like he used to. And Aunt Lailah just texted me to say you haven't been returning her calls or messages. It's not like you have any reason to avoid the topic of dating Alisha, have you? When you're not even dating anyone at the moment... or are you?"

I know Rose is just concerned, but the way she panics about the most trivial things drives me crazy. She eyes me suspiciously. "Or is it more serious than that?"

I downed my milkshake in one breath. "What do you mean?"

Rose leaned over me, and for a minute, it felt like I was going to be swallowed whole. "Tell me, you're not into an unhealthy relationship with someone... like meeting up in love motels or... or smoking pot!"

"W-what! You think I have time for that? I mean, even if I do, you think I will?"

She slumps down her seat with a loud sigh. "I don't know what to think. But you can tell me if there's anything at all that's been bothering you. I don't want you keeping any more secrets than you should... I mean... I'm your cousin, your landlady, your caretaker, and Aunt Lailah's gonna kill me if she finds out I'm not looking after you like I should!"

"I'm already eighteen... and besides, you're not that much older."

"Hey, twenty-one is a lot older than you think! Gosh... I should be dating at least."

"Aren't you and Dezel doing just that? If you wanna have some privacy, I could step out and sleep over at Zaveid's... but no, that won't be a good idea right now!"

"Look... my date sex days are over with that jerk! But... wait... what's up between you and Zaveid? Don't tell me he already made a move on you?"

"Made a w-what!" I almost choked as it dawned on me how Rose's imagination could be so _vivid_.

"Oh god, you really don't know anything, do you? Well... never mind, it's not like he's ever been sure about what he likes or what he is in the first place. And I don't wanna imagine you two getting it on either. I don't want him getting you ruffled up and using you like a spare tire. That dude seriously needs someone who can handle him in and out of bed."

"Look... I'm not even sure I know half of what's going on... so I'd be taking off for now," I told her quickly, grabbing my backpack and two archaeology textbooks that looked like encyclopedias (and felt just as heavy), which probably explains why only libraries have them these days. "See you later, Rose!"

"Hey, make sure you get home early, all right? 'Cause Alisha will be coming over for dinner!"

I casually jog to school and take out my cellphone. We haven't been separated for more than fifteen minutes and here I am, itching to text Mikleo.

You see, I spent my last week's allowance getting him his own phone. I know it sounds odd, but giving Mikleo a means to reach me for emergencies eases a lot of tension I've been feeling lately. 

And it's not that having him around gives me stress. I guess I get restless with worrying whenever I think of leaving him all by himself. I'm _not_ assuming he misses me, of course, that would be odd if not downright weird. But what if Rose stumbles upon him when I'm not around? Mikleo's curiosity is a bit insatiable. He could be exploring every nook and cranny in the house only to end up hurting himself or bumping into Rose by accident.

Just thinking about it made me press his name on my contacts. Hearing his voice has always been a relief.

"What's up?"

He's learning really fast, I realized just now when he greeted me that way. It was so casual and so untypical of him. He used to be so formal and respectful when he first arrived. After three weeks, it seemed my way of talking had rubbed off on him.

I scratched my head and realized too late that I probably look like an idiot doing just that. "Uh... what are you doing right now? Are you busy?"

"Not really. Actually, I was... kinda thinking about you. I sort of miss you when you're not here."

My neck suddenly felt hot, and my knees felt wobbly. Maybe I should go out and jog more. "Sorry about that. I just called to warn you not to leave the room if you can help it. Someone's coming over for dinner, you see."

"Oh, you mean Alisha?"

"How-"

"I was eavesdropping."

Mikleo's candid honesty makes me laugh, though I know I should be correcting some of his odd habits even if only to instruct him on the more practical norms of human behavior. Still, when it's just between us two, I would rather let things pass so long as they're harmless.

"Uh, okay... so since you already know, uh... just make sure you stay inside and not get in Rose's way. I don't want her dragging you out and exposing you. I mean.. I haven't gotten around to telling her about you."

"No worries. I'm your big secret, after all, right?" 

"I.. I suppose..." Somehow, my face is beginning to feel hot too.

"About that though... I think you shouldn't worry so much, Sorey."

"Why?"

"I think you're the only one who can see me anyways."

"What do you mean?"

"Turn around, will you?"

As I did, I felt my heart stop and drop like lead. Mikleo was standing... no he's more like standing _and_ floating with one leg slightly folded on the other, his face wearing the widest grin ever. His milky complexion seems even paler, almost translucent when surrounded by natural light, exuding the shimmer of the smoothest alabaster with just the slightest tinge of blue. Instead of the plain white, loose tunic I've seen him wear since he first arrived, he had on a pale, turquoise green, tight-fitting suit with belts that hugged his tiny waist in a way that strangely makes me feel embarrassed, along with a cape slit in two and fluttering behind him like butterfly wings. I also notice the elaborate designs on the lower front of his upper garment, which brings back images I knew from my textbook on the anatomy of the human sexes.

To be honest, those curves seem to resemble the inside of a woman's womb... I could feel my neck getting hot again as I realized that my imagination was wandering into places too shameful to name. 

So Rose might have been on the right track after all. Something has, indeed, been bothering me for days, and it's not like I can talk about it with anyone, not even Mikleo. Well, certainly _not_ with Mikleo, if I'd be honest! I mean... it's not like I'm the only one who goes through these stages... or maybe I'm just an embarrassingly late bloomer (by no fault of mine), which is the only explanation for why I've begun thinking about sex a lot, and I mean a LOT... like every ten minutes or so? And it's not only distracting but also exhausting... not that I have to run to the bathroom every ten minutes to do something about it, but gods... whenever I needed the shower for those _kinds_ of things... like... uh... to relieve myself... I'd find Mikleo waiting outside the door with those big, innocent eyes of his looking so concerned because (he tells me even when I didn't want to hear it) it sounds like I'm hurt and in pain, and he wants to know how he could help whenever I'm about to do _that_ sort of thing (which he has no idea what, exactly).

Of course, I can't imagine explaining what _jerking off_ is for. And I cringe at the thought of him asking for a live demonstration as part of his cultural journey into the realms of the unknown. But right now doesn't seem like the right time to worry about that either...

"Mikleo!" I pulled him to me and dragged him into an alley. Thank god no one was looking, and it seemed that my voice didn't call anyone's attention either.

"Sorey..." 

He was staring at me with that godawful, innocent stare that stirs my insides and makes my heart drum my chest a little painfully. My stomach begins to hurt just as much as I push him against a wall (not too roughly, I hope), planting my hands on either side of his face to make sure he doesn't slip away. I didn't even mind letting my textbooks get dirty as I dropped them.

"What were you thinking coming out here!"

"Don't be mad." He looked a little hurt, but I try not to notice.

"I'm not mad, all right?" I lie, sucking in my breath as he looked at me with disbelief written all over him. I exhaled and tried to count to ten mentally. "Look, what I feel doesn't even matter. You know we have rules about you not going anywhere without telling me."

He frowned a little, looking confused and a bit miffed. "But I thought I just told you."

"Not like this! You're supposed to let me know beforehand!"

"I didn't keep it a secret, Sorey. Besides, how bad could it be when no one can see me anyway?"

"What do you mean no one can-"

His eyes became huge saucers, and at that exact moment, something in me jumped at the excitement he was showing. "I just realized I have my powers back! So now I could actually sense who's got resonance and who doesn't."

"Resonance?" I know the meaning of the word, but I'm not sure if he's using it in the same way. "What has that got to do with anything?"

"It's the ability that allows your kind to see us.. or sense creatures like me quite naturally." He looks away while saying this. "And... not surprisingly, you have quite a strong ability compared with others... which explains how you've been able to interact with me in every way without even trying."

I tried to digest that information as quickly as I could, but it didn't lessen my worry or concern. "Look... just because you feel stronger now doesn't mean you can take chances so carelessly. What if someone happens on you who can actually see you the way I do? Have you thought about what they might _want_ to do to you the moment they lay eyes on you?"

He blinks like a child who has been told for the very first time not to play with fire. "I don't think they'd hurt something that hasn't done anything to endanger their lives."

"Well, you're wrong Mikleo!" I told him, and though I didn't mean it as an outburst, his reaction told me it sounded just that. "This may surprise you but... as much as I appreciate your good faith in all things human, that's not really how it is. People don't always have good intentions... and they're not always ready to help and to trust complete strangers to them!"

"But Sorey, how can you even be so sure-"

"Besides, it's not like they won't see how delicate and attractive you are in every little way..."

"D-delicate?" He looks down at his translator like it has some mental keypad. "Do I seem so soft and fragile to you?"

"Your kind of beauty attracts predators..." I tell him without hesitation, reminded of the way he looks so tender when he's thanking me for something. "I'm sure you'd draw eyes everywhere if you were human... like an open invitation for anyone to do things to you... awful things..."

I stopped there. It's not like scaring Mikleo away is going to help. But something tells me that his logic is working on those assumptions right now.

His lavender eyes suddenly looked thoughtful, almost... shy? "But Sorey... have you also thought of doing those things?"

I didn't know why I hesitated at Mikleo's question, but the guilt nagged at me like an insect bite that itched to be scratched. "No, of course not... but anyone who'd seen you would probably feel that way..." 

I wanted to sound normal and convincing, but my voice sounded unsure, indecisive. I hated myself for it, not that I could explain why exactly.

Mikleo kept looking at me, lavender eyes wandering to those places that made me feel hot and unsteady, like the feeling of having curious eyes check you out from a distance. His silence unnerved me, as if he was second-guessing my real thoughts, making me feel insecure, naked, and vulnerable. Though mind-reading people is normal, I hate knowing that someone else is doing the same. It's not like I'm the only one with embarrassing secrets to keep. 

"Look... I'm just guessing... from how things are these days. The human world is not exactly a safe place for your kind. Anyone would worry like I do."

"I see," he answered nonchalantly, though I sensed his evasiveness becoming more apparent with the way his eyes avoided me as he pushed me away. "You worry too much, Sorey. It's not like I'm special or anything." 

Some part of me felt what a horrible understatement that was. Not only Rose but Zaveid and probably everyone else could say I've neglected my hobbies and abandoned my normal routines like I've become a different person in the past few weeks. And it's not even Mikleo's fault... no.

He never asked me to go out of my way to take care of him. I did that on my own.

I mean, how can you not want to take care of someone who looks up to you, believes every little thing you say, even the smallest lies that you know are the dumbest things a person can say to anyone... even a kid? 

How can you not worry about someone so beautiful he turns your world upside down without even trying? Without realizing he's the greatest mystery and the only joy that has ever stirred you so deeply you find out you _do_ have feelings... that you can feel something for someone you don't have to share with anybody else...

Like a forbidden secret. Or a star that shines the brightest in a moonless sky. 

In the end we all yearn for that person who is all the world to us as we are all the world to them... if only such wishes could come true the minute we make them. Because far longer than that and those wishes, for certain, will make us desperate. They'd fill us with a frustrating yearning that gets harder to endure as time passes, making you wish you could wish away the cause, the reason, that's making you feel that way.

I don't think we hate because we cannot love, but more like it's the only way we can stop ourselves from hoping for the impossible.

Like wishing that there's a person out there who's been born just for us... a living proof that we're here for a reason, that the waiting has not been in vain, and we're _never_ meant to be alone or to feel lonely.

A person who can make you believe in miracles and all the impossible things you've only imagined as a child.

Most adults (and I'm probably no exception) are jaded because they know that most childhood wishes are never meant to be fulfilled. Like fantasies, most wishes are better imagined than lived, better read in books or seen in the movies than reality can ever make them. 

But I don't want to believe that's all there is. The fact that Mikleo is standing here in front of me right now makes me want to believe in miracles and childhood wishes all over again.

He makes me want to feel what it's like to be depended on for a change... to know that I'm not meant to be alone or to feel lonely even if the world is a scary place that misunderstands and condemns too harshly.

Mikleo's existence makes me want to believe that there's a reason for me to be here.

Even if the reason is just to help a lost alien understand the same things I don't even understand about the world or myself.

"Sorey... you can let go now. It's not like I'm going to run away and disappear because you're in a bad mood."

I tried to deny that as I let him push me away. He's always gentle even when I'm invading his personal space. Or maybe he doesn't think there are personal spaces to begin with. "Sorry if I seem to be overreacting. But please, Mikleo... go home and stay put until I come back. I'd feel better if you do."

He shook his head, and my heart froze. "No. I'm staying with you."

"Mikleo?" I held him by the shoulder, thinking my books could wait one more minute. "What got you like this?"

"Is there something wrong in wanting to see half the things you do... like the places you visit, the things you do, the people you spend time with when you're not with me?" He suddenly turns, and all I could see is his perfect profile. "I mean... I want to know everything about you, Sorey..."

He looks up, and I almost blush as our eyes meet. I can't help but catch my breath as he inches closer, then suddenly puts both arms around my neck. "And I really mean _everything_..." 

I don't know how I could stand being this close to him and not giving in, or how anyone can say those things with a straight face. For a tiny second, some part of me wished Mikleo could be more self-conscious, even awkward, when saying such things.

I look at his lips without meaning to, though I don't know where else to rest my eyes. "Seriously, _everything_ is a lot, Mikleo. Are you sure you can handle it?"

He lets go of my neck, and I stumble out of balance. "Sorey, all I need is to be with you as much as I can... while there's still time."

"Time for what?" Some vague part of me wanted to know and didn't want to know.

"It's something that might help in the long run. I want to understand as much as I can... because it's what I'm here for."

As I pick up my books trying to figure out how to convince him otherwise, I realized the time.

_Gods, I'm so fucking screwed!_

I grabbed Mikleo's hand, and gave him one of my textbooks. "Here, at least help me carry this."

"I can carry both for you," I hear him say as I tug him to a run. He seemed pleased and smiled as we made our way between passers-by and ended up within campus grounds in ten minutes. At the end of the hallway, next to the classroom where I was supposed to take my exams, I handed him my other textbook.

"Wait here, all right? I won't be needing my books since it's almost time for the exam anyway... sorry for asking you to come all this way."

He seemed to be having fun as he was grinning happily like a kid. "I wanted to be of help. And I'm the one who wanted to stay in the first place."

"Uh-huh. But this is the first and the last time, all right? I'd rather you're in a safe place... away from prying eyes."

Mikleo sidled up next to me and bumped my shoulder. "If I didn't know any better, I could almost say you mean that."

I felt myself grow hot in two seconds. "H-hey, I always mean exactly what I say!"

"Yeah, like when you sort of implied that I'm nothing special... because anybody else would feel the same way you do."

I rubbed my neck at that. It was one of those dumb lies I know I wanted to get away with. "Uh... you really have a pretty good memory."

He smiled and turned to face me, eyes aglow. "More like I figured out how you always contradict yourself when you lie."

"I never-"

"Yes you do. You always think I'm in danger... that no one could ever care for me the way you do. And that's the real reason you're so worried about others finding me out. You don't intend to share me with anyone, Sorey. You know their intentions aren't pure at all... and you only want what's best for me. Because I'm special..."

"M-Mikleo! I-look-when.. uh... how could you say-"

I felt someone tap my shoulder. Mikleo looks unfazed as I turn to see Zaveid impishly grinning at me.

"Hey, hotshot, so are we going to take the exam or stand here all day?"

I look at Mikleo with a panicked expression, but he simply grinned back and shook his head. "He can't see or hear me, Sorey. So just go on like I'm not even here."

 _Easier said than done_ , I told myself with a huff. "Uh, I'm going inside right now. How about you?"

Zaveid gave me a hard slap on the back. "After you, my boy!"

I glared back at him. "Stop calling me 'your boy' please. Unless you want people to think we're still in middle school."

"Can't forget those days. Want me to refresh your memory over beer? This is our last day after all. The finals are _finally_ over... I could just see myself lying on a beach somewhere surrounded by babes."

"Oh yeah, well... good for you." I signaled to Mikleo to remind him to keep out of anyone's way... even if he's invisible.

He leaned back and smiled as he turned to leave. I panicked a little as I don't even know where he's heading, and besides, I thought I made it clear that he should stay as close to me as possible, but he seems to have read my mind and waved his cellphone at me.

Oh right. I do have a way of reaching him just in case. I almost sigh in relief until something hits me, and I stop in my tracks, dumbfounded.

If he's holding his cellphone and my textbooks, why the hell no one seems to notice them either?

I look at Zaveid but he simply pushes me right through the door.

I completely lost sight of Mikleo after that.

**o-----)o(-----o**

"Mikleo, where are you right now?"

"Mik-what? Is that your new girlfriend or just a buddy?" Zaveid asks, hanging over my shoulder even though he's far from drunk. We just finished the exam and were both heading out the door. I actually submitted my exam booklet way ahead of everybody else, and Zaveid followed suit. He's looking over my shoulder, practically unembarrassed to show that he's eavesdropping.

But I couldn't be bothered with anything as waves of relief pushed through me when I heard Mikleo's voice. "Uh, I think I'm in a place you call a grocery? I'm looking over a list that seems to be a description of what you're going to cook for dinner."

"Whose-what list?"

"Rose's? We're at the grocery right now."

"How did you-"

"She could hear me, Sorey... and occasionally even talks to me..."

I didn't think I heard that right. "W-what! How's that-"

"Hard to explain, but it seems she's well aware that I live in your house."

"That can't be..." I blurted out, though my mind starts racing for possible explanations. Was I ever careless? I shook my head after considering it.

"Look, I'm sure I haven't told her anything, I swear!"

"It doesn't matter." His voice sounded reassuring. "Rose says she's always felt like she's not alone anyway... that there's a presence like someone watching over her... a guardian angel of some sort, that's what she calls it."

_An angel, right. And you really look the part, Mikleo..._

I turned around the corner to the men's room to keep Zaveid from prying. "You say she talks to you?"

I hear Mikleo hesitate with an exhale. "She whispers things, Sorey... like she's talking to someone though I'm sure no one else is around to hear it. I presume those words are meant to be heard by someone, though I don't know exactly if by my kind or something _else_. She even tells me that she means certain things as a joke... that I shouldn't be offended. To be honest, I'm not really sure how aware she is of me... but I can tell she has partial resonance, at least."

Seriously, I don't know if it's a good or a bad thing that Rose is aware. But I can worry about that later.

"Send me your location if you can. Or just tell me which grocery you're in. The name is written on a large sign... usually in big, bold letters... above the entrance."

"Uh... yeah, I remember. The sign says _WellMart,_ and it has a big mascot that... uh... looks like a cute gorilla with a curly mustache and a funny-looking hat."

 _Right, a cute gorilla, huh?_ To be honest, I wouldn't even know what that looks like. It's enough to make me wonder at Mikleo's notion of _cute_.

"Sorey?"

"I'd be there in five minutes. Don't go anywhere, Mikleo, understand?"

"You don't have to hurry. I'm in no danger."

Somehow that only made my feet run a little faster. I think I've pretty much beat the world record for sprints when I breezed through the door and almost upset a trolley of deliveries on my way to Mikleo.

"Sorey? What are you doing here? Are you all right? You look like you've just crashed into a tornado, your hair's a mess!"

I smile at Rose while huffing through it. "Glad... you... noticed." I'm practically out of breath.

Mikleo knelt in front of me as I was chasing my breath with my hands planted on my knees as sweat trickled on the sides of my face. "I told you I was safe, didn't I?"

I gazed back with a frown, but my insides are melting at the familiar scent of him so close, with those haunting eyes hovering over my face. "Sorry, I got carried away somehow."

"Carried away by what?" I heard Rose ask as she pushed the grocery cart in my direction, a curious expression making her face a little scary. "You're not making any sense. Or are you that eager to pick up groceries for Alisha? I swear I texted you just a few seconds ago... and you're here now?"

"Uh... I was on my way when I got your message." That was a lie, of course. I didn't have time to check my cellphone as I've been running.

"Oh, all right, whatever, it's not like I don't need your help. Do you feel like cooking spaghetti? I heard Alisha loves it! I also picked some fresh meat for sukiyaki... and how about something for tonkotsu... would this be enough?"

The cart was overflowing with unnecessary supplies that only exposed Rose's inexperience in anything to do with housekeeping and domestic stuff.

"Rose... it's only dinner," I tell her, still trying to catch my breath. "And there's only three of us anyway."

"I invited the whole gang, you know."

I looked up, and for the first time, I didn't feel a chill meeting her abrasively piercing, blue eyes. "You did WHAT?"

"Dezel, Zaveid, and Edna are coming over, you know... plus there's Aunt Lailah, Aunt Selene, and oh, did I mention that old Gramps just said he's coming too?"

The fact that even my mom is visiting is no joke. "W-WHAT?!"

"Yeah, it's kinda surprising how Gramps seems mighty excited to see you! The whole family is going to have a big reunion tonight!"

I glance at my watch. _Tonight_ is just five hours away, and we're still doing groceries? What is Rose even thinking!

I pushed the cart toward the cashier's lane and brought out my credit card, which I never use except for really tight emergencies. I seem to be having a lot of emergencies these days.

**o-----)o(-----o**

"Mikleo... I'd really feel better if you could stay in the room until I'm done. I'm kinda busy right now..." I just about told my stubborn alien for the umpteenth time, not that it's working. Though I've always told him that obedience is not a necessary virtue, I'm pretty sure I could use some cooperation right now. With barely an hour to finish dinner with Rose giving me updates as to how many more minutes before the guests arrive, I'd appreciate it if Mikleo would be a _little_ bit less insistent and a _little_ bit more submissive like he was when we first met. But for some mysterious reason, he seemed pretty bent on thwarting my expectations.

And it was just about enough to make me feel more panicked as I drop another baking pan like I love the sound of gravity every five seconds.

"Relax, Sorey you'd be fine." That was Rose calling out from the living room. She said she trusts me completely with all the kitchen work... or rather the cooking. It's her way of telling me that I'm to blame if this dinner doesn't go well. She's practically useless when it comes to cooking, but she's got a huge appetite to make up for it.

"What is this? Can I taste it?" Mikleo asks over a boiling pot of stew. "It smells really good."

"Thanks, but please, be careful that's hot! And use this one if you wanna taste it," I told him, handing him a spoon. "Blow on it first or you'll get your tongue burned."

Of course I had to stop what I was doing just to watch and make sure he doesn't hurt himself in any way. 

"So... what do you think?"

He smiles. "I've never had something this good! I mean, the flavors are nothing like I've tasted before... and it makes me a bit hungry, to be honest."

I scrunch up my face. "I'd save a huge bowl for you as soon as I'm done. I'll bring it over before dinner so you can enjoy it in peace."

"Bring it over? You mean, I'm not going to eat with everyone else?"

I stared at Mikleo's aghast expression. "It's not like I don't want you to have dinner with us. It's just that I-"

I wanted to tell him that I couldn't afford to get distracted when I should be paying attention to other people. But he might take that as an insult.

"You don't need to explain, Sorey. If you don't want me around, all you have to do is to say it the way you mean it. I'm sure I've learned enough to understand it perfectly."

I frown at that. "But I don't mean it that way!"

"Yes, you do. It's just rude the way it comes out so you hesitate to say it."

The same accusation, on other days, would have been tolerable. But I guess my whittled patience is wearing thinner with all the worrying I've been doing all day.

It's not even Mikleo's fault to begin with. But even that guilt-realization is giving me a lot of stress.

I look at him, but he avoids my gaze, ruffling my feelings even more. I exhaled... and counted to ten... at least in my head.

"Mikleo, I don't want to argue right now so please..."

He cut me off with a smirk. "Of course, I'm the only one arguing here. But no worries, I'm not going to bother you again so this liability is going to disappear for now. Thanks for everything..."

I stop him with a hand, wondering why my other hand is shaking so much. "You're being childish, Mikleo! I just wanted to give my family the time they needed. I rarely see them, and it's not every day that they go out of their way to come and visit."

He gave me a livid stare. "You forgot that 'this Alisha' will be joining you and your family. Is she more than a friend now? Is 'being family' even more special than friends?" 

I don't know how to answer all his questions, not like I needed to anyway. "Can we save this conversation for later? I don't have time to think or explain all that..."

"Just say you don't have time for me, Sorey. It may sound harsh, but the meaning is the same, and it doesn't matter anyway because it's just me, not your family..."

That's it. Something in what he said pounded my chest like a rock that crushed my wounded feelings into dust. I couldn't help raising my voice.

"Don't pretend to know everything about me, all right? Just because you know what words stand for doesn't mean the person means it that way!"

Mikleo was adamant and returned my outburst. "In other words, you distrust my judgment and question my competence!" 

I threw down my apron and kitchen mitts, then leaned over him with a glare. "I've _never_ done that ever so you have no right to think of me that way!"

He glared back, eyes aflame. "What I think of you right now is my personal business, Sorey! Just as you have every right to hate me for wanting to be a part of your life!"

I tried to stop him by grabbing his arm as he tried to slip away, but my hand just went through him as it would through a cloud of smoke.

"M-Mikleo?"

Without turning around to give me a second look, he marched out of the kitchen, practically running through the door like a ghost.

I watched my hand and felt nothing but a numbing, seething coldness that left me wondering what I ever did to make Mikleo hate me so much.

**o)------------o)O(o------------(o**


	3. Sometimes Silence Speaks Louder than Words

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When misfortune comes, it trickles like shower before it pours.
> 
> But a thunderstorm is on its way... and it's worse than anything Sorey could ever hate or love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the kudos and for reading this story. I'm going to update faster (every two days?) and finish my other fics too (When the World Revolves Around You; Twilight Ends When Lavender Falls; A Mage's Pawn; Do You Remember, Love; The Flower and the Blade) as I update this one. 
> 
> NOTE: I've just changed the title of "Do You Remember, Love" to "A River of Midnight Stars" as the former title is overused... (my fault, I checked AO3 as my friend suggested and yeah, a lot of other fics have the same title and reference to Macross. Sorry, but this will be the last few changes I'd be making.) 
> 
> Thanks again for reading! Stay safe!

**o)------------o)O(o------------(o**

"What's just as important is knowing whether the both of them are ready for an early engagement. What is your opinion on this, Sorey?"

I count the peas on my plate and move them around before pushing them between the pasta and the meatballs. I'm not even sure why I have spaghetti and beef stew together when I don't have an appetite for either one. 

I feel a nudge on my shin as Rose practically kicks me and hardly misses from under the table. "Oh goodness, Sorey, I think it's time to bring us some dessert!"

I shot her a warning look, but she shrugs it off with a scowl that seems to say, _Move your butt before I kill you in front of these people!_

I sigh and stand up. "Excuse me, but I'd be serving the pudding _Rose_ and I prepared for everyone. I hope you like them."

I hear Gramps snorting. "Since when has Rosie decided to learn how to cook?"

I hear Rose make a whining sound. "C'mon, Gramps, after living with someone who's got a sweet tooth like Sorey, _I_ should know what pudding is!"

"Yeah, right. Or did you have to google that to be sure?"

That must be Edna. She _really_ has a way of ruffling Rose's feathers, not that her razor-sharp speech is always deliberate. I open the fridge and pull out a tray, wondering why my stomach hurts the way it does when I carelessly skip meals. Even when I try to shut out the voices in the dining room, I could still hear the tiny munchkin's grating sarcasm.

"You know, the only thing you're ever good at when it comes to food is wolfing down Sorey's cooking. Of course, being an absolute dork, he's quite good at putting up with it too."

"Oh yeah? Well, I love your sense of humor so much so why don't you just pass me the barf bag, Dezel?"

"You should work on your sarcasm, Rose... but that's like wishing turnips can think."

"Kids... c'mon... this is no time for jokes!" That must be Aunt Lailah trying to calm everyone down as she's supposed to. "I agree with Zenrus that we're blessed to have this chance to hear Alisha's and Sorey's thoughts on their future life together. Marriage is serious business after all..."

"If you ask me, this tradition is absolute nonsense! Marriage meetings... arranged marriages... we're not in the Middle Ages, are we?"

"Young lady, I don't think traditions have to be broken when they've been preserved for a good reason."

"But Gramps... I mean, Zenrus, sir... the little lady has a point... uh, at least for a lady who's barely in her teens to know anything about the bugs and the bees."

"Zaveid, I believe it's _birds_ not bugs!"

"Oh, yeah? I don't think the difference even counts, Miss Lailah."

"It does, doesn't it Mr. Dezel?"

"Why ask him? Oh yeah, I suppose the _expert_ would know, huh?" 

Gods, expect Zaveid to try everyone's sanity with his thoughtless wisecracks.

"To be brutally frank about this--and I hope Alisha doesn't mind--Sorey's not a kid anymore. I think the dude's got every right to decide who he wants to get hitched to since it's _his_ life after all... I mean _fuck tradition_ , it's not like all those dead people in their graves can come to the rescue when your life decisions turn out bad."

"No bad words over dinner, please!"

"Eeehh? Miss Lailah, my mouth may be dirty, but I swear, my heart is pure enough to respect a respectable lady such as yourself."

I clear my throat as I make my entrance with a tray on one hand only to find Aunt Lailah hitting Zaveid with a fan. It makes me wonder where she hides that thing because she always seems to find a good opportunity to pull it out and hit someone with it when the moment feels right.

Then again, she turns to me with the sweetest smile on her face, and for a tiny second everyone seems to forget that a war was brewing over dinner.

"Wow, how nice! These look absolutely good, thanks, Sorey!"

"Don't mention it," I tell my aunt as I hand my mom a saucer of pudding before setting the tray down. I also hand Alisha hers, wondering why she seems so self-conscious thanking me when it's just dessert.

"At least you don't have to worry about starving, Alisha," Edna drawls. "Sorey here may be a nerdy geek no one would want for a boyfriend, but he has no rival when it comes to the domestic world of housekeeping. It's like having a personal slave who doesn't mind anything so long as you let him geek out on antiques, relics and all that boring stuff museums have plenty of on occasions."

"Look here, Miss Edna... I think what a couple does in private matters plenty, and I bet all women with experience would agree to that!" Zaveid cackles, and everyone stares him down.

"You know, that's just like asking, 'Can geeks dance?' Of course they can. You just have to take the lead," Rose says glibly, and I stare _her_ down.

"Geeks can do a lot of wonderful things, yeah, sure. If you're a geek yourself who believes in yourself because no one else does." 

I groan at Edna. "Thanks a lot, coz. I see you haven't lost your touch."

"Don't let her words deceive you!" Rose makes a gloating sound. "I bet our tiny _coz_ is jealous over the fact that someone's going to take you away forever."

Edna leans over the table to shake a fist at Rose. "That's a fib, right there!"

"Oh god, can you talk like a normal kid for a change? I swear your vocabulary needs some work!"

"My vocabulary? If I were you, I'd worry about my missing brain!"

"Boy, having your first true love taken right from under your nose must hurt so much it brings out green-eyed monsters hiding in the closet!"

"You forget Sorey's a cousin just like you. Though I regret having a geeky dork and a rude tomboy for family!"

"Whatever you say, just get over Sorey already!"

Dezel coughs, pulling everyone's attention to him. I actually admire the way he blends in almost invisibly but never gets forgotten when he puts his best foot forward and shows how much he knows _what_ he knows if anyone asks.

"Wouldn't it be better if we could read any relationship as a contract?"

We all stare at him. The silence that followed was broken by a loud chuckle coming from Zaveid. 

"That sounds harsh," he tells everyone with a grin. "But I like the sound of it, don't worry." 

Dezel sighs. "What I mean is, marriages are essentially contracts. Save for the paperwork and all those clauses in fine print, it requires nothing more than good faith and a fair sense of commitment. So long as everyone understands his obligations and performs his share as expected, nothing should go wrong."

"Oh, but you're forgetting the most important part. A relationship is a _personal_ not a business matter. You can't charge anyone for the damage, and sometimes only one side takes the blame."

"I get that, Rose. But personal feelings are exactly what they are. They're internal and private. And that means we can regulate them the way we choose so they don't have to get in the way all the time."

"Fair enough," Gramps says quietly, making the atmosphere a little awkward.

"Uh, hey... this isn't the funeral so let's cheer up and have some dessert!" I tell them, wondering why those words sound insincere even in my ears..

"Are you all right? Why don't you sit down first, Sorey," Alisha tells me, pulling out my chair for me. I thank her and stare at the pudding on my plate.

I wonder if Mikleo has eaten anything yet. I made the pudding extra sweet and syrupy the way he seems to like it. 

And his stew must be getting cold... to think it was the first time I made something spicy that he liked. I heard him say he hasn't tasted anything better.

"Sorey, this is really good," Alisha gushes, sounding genuinely delighted. "I hope you don't mind sharing your recipe so I can make one myself..." 

I nod and return her smile and wonder if Mikleo likes other sweet things... homemade ice cream, fruit jellies, or butter cookies, maybe even yogurt made with fresh milk and real fruit? Maybe I could use this chance to ask my mom if she had any recipes she could share with me too...

"Hey dork, are you listening? You've barely touched your food even if almost everything's pretty good," Edna tries to tell me from across the table, her voice uncharacteristically gentler than usual.

Lailah puts her palms together. "That's an understatement, Edna! This dinner is superb, don't you agree, everyone?"

My mom couldn't have been a more loyal fan. "Sorey's gotten better. I don't think I've ever cooked anything half as good myself."

"So what's the verdict, Alish? Does he make a perfect husband or what?" Rose asks.

"Look... I... it's not like I could like Sorey any better than I already do because of anything... though this dessert is perfect..."

"Hey, how about that, buddy? Are we hearing wedding bells or what?"

"It's just one dinner, for crying out loud. Shouldn't potential husbands pass several trials at least?"

"Trials?" Zaveid laughs at Edna. "With you little miss, I could imagine men running away before they get burned alive!"

Alisha peers into my face. "Thanks, Sorey. This dinner is the most wonderful welcome I could ever hope for."

"Hear that? Go eat your pudding now, dork," Edna told me with a wince. "The princess already gave you her blessing so stop with the cold feet already!" 

I nudged the pudding with a spoon, but I could barely put even a tiny bite into my mouth.

I really can't eat any of this without thinking of Mikleo.

I miss him. Even when no one else could get me so angry and irrational, I would rather be with him than share platitudes and polite chit-chat with anyone else.

I wish I could see his face right now. I wish I could go to him and ask what he thinks of my cooking. I made sure they're all to his liking even if my mind's telling me I should be more concerned about what's going on... that this dinner is all about something that matters to my family and my well-being... 

That said, some part of me couldn't help feeling guilty of ingratitude... like I'm wasting everyone's time or taking for granted all the attention they're giving me. It's as if there are priorities that weigh more than my mom, Gramps, Aunt Lailah... and everyone else being here for me.

It doesn't need saying that I _do_ love them. Despite appearances I _do_ care about Alisha too.

But saying that is just denying the ugly truth that my heart is already somewhere else. And having this yawning gap between us just drives home the point that I've been denying so blindly that I hadn't been able to see it as I should.

_Mikleo... I..._

Deep in my heart, I've always known how much I like him. I like him more than anyone I've ever liked in my life.

I love his smile... the way his eyes move when he's watching me do things for him... the way his eyes casually slide over my face when he's thanking me... when he holds me by the shoulder when he's excited about a new discovery or when he's happy that I know exactly what he means even when he doubts his own understanding.

I love the way he puts a blanket on me in the middle of the night when I toss and turn while having nightmares. His faint touch is more than enough to remind me that I'm not alone in the dark... and someone's gonna be there for me when I wake up.

I love the way he looks when he reads... the way he flips each page with those long, tapering fingers of his.

His curiosity drives me mad and makes me want to pull him close and tell him that there are a lot of other things I could teach him... things we could learn and discover together if he'd let me... 

Deep in my heart, I know I might even be in love with him. I mean...

How else could anyone describe this painful feeling of wanting someone so bad nothing seems enough... not even having that person all to yourself under lock and key?

It's a dangerous obsession... an illogical, hopeless yearning that has no place anywhere.

But I love him that way... and it hurts even more knowing it's wrong that way.

"Earth to Sorey, what's up with you? Gosh, don't tell me you're still worried over exams or keeping your scholarship and all that college crap you're so good at anyways! You're such a nerd sometimes I swear you must be from another planet!"

Alisha gives me a warm smile. "Always the honor student, that's just like you!"

"Look who's talking..." Edna simpers. "Nerdy college sweethearts never looked so good, I believe..." She takes one more pudding from the tray and digs into it.

Rose kicks my foot, but all I can see is a worried grin on her face that seems to ask, _Need any help?_

I tried to focus on what _else_ Rose was trying to say, but in my heart, all I ever hoped to see was Mikleo standing in front of me with a tender look in his eyes, telling me how wonderful it is to be learning new things... to be part of a whole new world with someone who doesn't mind all too much that he's an alien who can't even take care of himself...

I stood up carelessly, knocking saucers and spoons out of place.

"Hey, buddy, you all right?" Zaveid, for once, sounded genuinely concerned.

"Sorey, let me get you some water..." Even my mom is beginning to sound worried.

My body feels heavy, but I had to drag myself out of everyone's way, pushing my feet to take me far away from here.

"Sorey?" Alisha stood in front of me, leaning over to get a better look at my face. 

I shake my head before she can get too close. I know where I want to go... and I don't mind if it's a dark place where I can't take anyone with me. 

All I could think of is that Mikleo needs me... and I'm _the only_ _one_ he could ever need because I'm the only one he could see and talk to, the only one who could hear every word, decipher every thought he couldn't express on his own and I... I just pushed him away.

_I pushed him away making him believe he's just another addition in my crowded room..._

_In truth, I'm the one who's afraid that he might find someone else... someone else to depend on... someone else he could trust..._

_Maybe I've become so jaded I wanted to keep him away from my family so I could have him all to myself ._

_I'd probably be incredibly mad and jealous if he showed any interest in anyone other than me._

_I'm such a kid, ain't I? I'm an idiot, and it's not like telling myself would change anything._

_I'm in love with Mikleo. And this is strange, but I don't care what he thinks or even feels about it._

_Maybe it wouldn't even matter if he loved me back, it's not like feelings are things anyone could ask for._

_All I need is for him to stay by my side._ _The rest is entirely up to him._

As these thoughts rush into my head, Alisha touches my forehead and confirms for one moment, something I should have been aware of myself.

"Gods, Sorey, you're burning up!"

I tried to smile, but my mouth hurt even when the effort shouldn't make me tired. "I'm fine, Alisha... no worries..."

"Sorey!"

I heard voices... distant echoes crowding in and saying my name over and over as I feel the ground rise up to catch or swallow me I could hardly tell which. But then, quick shadows seemed to spread all around me, and suddenly...

Suddenly even the darkness I couldn't explain seemed more comforting than it should.

**o-----)o(-----o**

"Your room smells like stew and pudding. Planning to have dinner with someone in secret?"

It was Rose's voice. I glanced at the clock and realized it was 1:15 in the morning. I felt Rose peel a strip of gel off my forehead as I tried to get up, although of course she just as easily pushed me back and shook her head as if to say that I should stay put. My eyelids felt heavy as I threw her a helpless grin, her face hardly illuminated by moonlight.

"Uh... I'm fine now," I tell her, though my mind kept wandering to the window from where a slight breeze seems to be blowing. She follows my gaze.

"Are you cold?" She moves to the window, but my body acted on instinct, and before I knew it, she was staring at my hand on her wrist.

"Leave it open, it's all right. Besides, you should go and get some rest yourself. Sorry for worrying everyone..."

"As long as you're all right," she tells me, fixing my pillow as I let her push me back for the second time. "And just to let you know, everyone's staying in the guest room... well I had to send Dezel and Zaveid home, of course. But your mom, Gramps, including Alisha... I'm sure they're all warm and comfy as we speak, so don't worry about anyone but yourself. You need to get better."

"I... yeah, you're right." I looked around the room, my eyes searching for any sign of Mikleo.

"Hey, do you mind if I ask you one question?"

"Yeah?" I couldn't keep my eyes off the window that had obviously been left partially open. Could it be that Mikleo had slipped out and hasn't come back? Has he even eaten dinner yet?

"Who's Mikleo?"

"W-what?" I pretended not to hear it properly.

"C'mon... aren't you going to say anything about your ghostly, neighborly friend? I came in here to find a half-eaten bowl of stew and a bit of left-over pudding. What was I to think? You're feeding burglars now?"

Hearing that, I couldn't help but smile as I scratch my cheek. So Mikleo had eaten his share of dinner. I wonder if he's just hiding somewhere waiting for Rose to leave? Looking at the moon, I couldn't help thinking of what to say to him when he gets back... or how to apologize for getting mad at him.

Which reminds me... I still have a whole tray of milk and honey pudding in the fridge. Mikleo must love sweets like I do.

"Sorey? Are you listening?"

"Yeah?" I grinned at her, hoping she'd excuse my inattentiveness for weakness. I must still be a bit feverish, though it's something I'd hate admitting to Rose.

"I was asking about Mikleo... at least that's the name, am I right?"

"I'm not sure where you got-"

"I asked Zaveid about it. He said he caught you talking on the phone with someone just yesterday, and it seems to be the same person." 

Right, of course, he was right there next to me when I called Mikleo up. Maybe I was getting careless. I've known for a fact that Zaveid is probably the last person on earth you'd expect to be discreet... not like regretting it would change anything.

I sigh for the umpteenth time. "Well, you see Rose it's... kinda complicated."

"Complicated? Heck, _I'm_ complicated too! I'm sure _this_ Mikleo of yours couldn't be any worse!"

"He's a _different_ sort of complicated..." I began uncertainly.

"He's a _he_?" Rose looked away for three seconds, then back at me. "Okay... fine, I know gender isn't supposed to be an issue when it comes to matters of the heart, but..."

I felt hands grabbing the front of my shirt as Rose threatened to shake me like a rag doll. "How much do you like him that you keep calling his name like he's the only person in your life who matters if you die on us?"

I couldn't help but cringe at the abuse. "Look, I'm just exhausted, Rose! I'm not dying... though I'd prefer if you go easy on me..."

"Well, I'm gonna kill you if you don't speak up, you dork!"

"What is there to explain?"

She lets go of me only so she could spread her hand in front of my face as if to count off things on a list. "More than a handful, kiddo! Just three weeks ago, you blew up my roof... then everyone started to complain about your sudden bouts of attention deficiency, and it's not like I don't notice little things either! Like you'd rather be cooped up in this ramshackle room of yours even on weekends, and just today I find a little feast laid out here like you're waiting for someone to drop in and have a cozy little dinner... just the two of you... in the basement!"

"I just thought I might get hungry..."

"You were barely touching your food as everyone noticed over dinner! And just like Edna, I thought it was just you having cold feet about the engagement."

"Alisha and I have always been good friends. Nothing's changed."

"You used to be infatuated with her."

"That was way back in daycare. Everyone thought she was cute."

"And she's _not_ cute _now_?"

I scratch my head at that. "I wonder where this conversation is going, Rose."

"Are you in love with Mikleo?"

"How can you ask about that so sudden-"

"Answer the question, Sorey! I'm sure you've been dating this guy for months without even telling anyone! Can't you even trust me?"

"Rose... we're not elementary schoolers. I think I deserve to have a little privacy, which includes having my own secrets?"

She squeezes her brows together at me. "Fuck those rules, you've never been secretive with me before! Or maybe you just hate to share this person with anyone because he's got some lousy history... something you're too embarrassed to talk about!"

I shake my head at Rose knowing there's nothing I can say to defend Mikleo even if denying everything seems easy enough to do. "It's not that simple."

"Care to simplify it for me then?" 

"We're both guys..." I don't know how those words slipped out the way they did. It wasn't like I cared... but I'm sure even Rose would be shocked if she knew.

"So? I had crushes on all the pretty girls I met back in middle school. That's just a phase."

I shook my head. "I wish I could say the same."

Rose peered into my face, locking gazes with me. For half a minute she seemed content to just look at me and hold my hand.

"You're not just in love, are you, Sorey? You got it bad, I can tell."

I sighed. Those words speak whole volumes, and they're all true. "I'm hopeless."

She stood up, letting go of my hand with a sad smile. "I'm not going to push it for now. But I do hope you'd find it in your heart to trust me like you used to. I'm always here for you, kid. You know you're like the brother I've always wanted but never had. So I guess you have to put up with this worry wart until she's satisfied."

I laughed at that. "Thanks a million, Rose. I promise to tell you when he's ready."

She nods quietly before she leaves. I watch her press the lock before letting the door click shut behind her. There was a bit of noise outside the door, maybe my mom was on her way to check up on me, but the door remained closed as I waited. I felt my eyelids grow heavier, but I know I wouldn't be able to sleep tonight.

"Sorey?"

My heart pounded in my ears. On the window sill, Mikleo's white, slender frame crouched low as he was about to leap, his hair, a bright silver sheen under the blue-tinged moon.

"Hey there..." was all I could say. I didn't know where to start though my mind knew exactly what my heart feels. 

Though my voice seems to shake, I know for certain that I've never been so unconfused.

He got down on bare, nimble feet and approached me hesitantly, almost faltering but still graceful as his thin clothes swayed with his slightest movement. For a moment I was tempted to play the part of an injured, wounded, broken man.

But of course that would be too much. A smile might be a good idea.

Mikleo touched my forehead gingerly. "I should've known something was wrong. I'm sorry..."

I put my hand over his, caressing his knuckles with my thumb. I didn't care if he found the gesture odd. Touching him like this makes me feel better than all the medicine in the world.

He raises an eyebrow at me, but he doesn't pull away. "Sorey? Does this mean you forgive me?"

I pretended to think about it. "Not yet, I suppose."

"WHAT?!" He pushes his face so close to mine I couldn't help feeling hot all over again. "Were my transgressions that serious?"

"Uh, look..." I couldn't help laughing at his choice of words. It was enough to blow my cover. "It's nothing that needed apologizing in the first place, so cheer up a little!"

He seemed confused, then worried as he continued to observe me closely, openly, without the slightest hint of embarrassment. He then flashes me a wide, beaming smile.

"So you were serious when you told Rose that you're in love with me."

I seemed to have swallowed a mouthful of sand at that exact moment for I couldn't stop coughing up my shame.

"You're all red, Sorey! Are you going to be sick again?" 

I shake my head to deny that. "I guess... you heard everything?"

Mikleo nods simply. "Of course, I've been listening from the start. I'm pretty good at eavesdropping as you know!"

I raised an eyebrow at that. I guess I have to remind Mikleo one of these days that it's a skill he shouldn't even be proud of, at least not in public.

"So I guess you've figured out what love means, don't you?"

He looks up, a little unsure. "You wouldn't be asking if love on this side of the universe is the same as ours, right?"

"Uh-huh."

Mikleo carefully slips next to me on the bed, and my entire body gives a shiver even though I'm all warm inside. He pulls the covers on us both.

"It means we can sleep together, doesn't it?"

My eyes grow wide with shock even though my body seems to agree completely.

I swear my heartbeat skipped too many beats too. "M-Mikleo... uh... are you sure you know what you're saying?"

He smiles, and his eyes suddenly become brighter than polished gems as he starts caressing my cheek, tickling and arousing me with the feel of his fingertips grazing my ears, my jawline... my lips, then my chin.

I shiver with a sharp intake of breath. He moves closer, whispering in my ear, "It means we can have sex and make babies, doesn't it, Sorey?"

_M-make babies?_

I guess other guys would have panicked at the suggestion, but the notion only got me even more excited as I imagined a line of tiny Mikleos sitting on my stomach, pulling my hair and doing all sorts of ridiculous stuff that I'd expect pretty much knowing how Mikleo was when we first met. The thought alone was charming enough, but it also awakened something deep inside me that my body couldn't ignore. I tried to stop myself from getting a massive hard-on knowing how embarrassing that would be if he found out. But I guess the mere combination of his suggesting such things while lying next to me was too erotic to keep my hardening desire from _rising_ to the occasion.

I groaned and pressed myself against the mattress, turning my back on Mikleo. But he only pushed me back onto the bed, planting both hands on either side to keep me from getting away. 

It was then that I noticed how Mikleo's eyes wandered curiously to the huge bump poking him from underneath. I tried to move away but he only moved closer, throwing the blankets aside to get a better look.

"Mikleo, please, give that back!" I pulled at the blanket, wanting nothing more than to hide my shame.

Instead of doing as he's told, Mikleo flopped onto the sheets on his stomach, eyes focused on the one and only source of my humiliation.

"Is it painful?" he asks timidly, sliding an index finger up and down the sides of my erection through the fabric. Almost instantly, a surge of electricity coursed through my throbbing veins, and I felt a deep grunt escape me.

He looks up wonderingly. "Does the heat bother you? You want me to cool it down?"

Before I could stutter a reply, Mikleo pulled down my underwear and slid my manhood into his mouth.

I lifted my hips up on instinct, moaning his name as nameless waves of pleasure ran up and down my spine, making my entire body shiver with restless yearning for more.

My hands went down Mikleo's nape, and before I knew it, I was arching into his mouth and making strangling noises of absolute bliss.

As his tongue and lips caressed me, my hands clawed their way through his hair to feel its silky smoothness between my fingers.

I gasped as I was about to come. "Mikleo... n-not yet..."

He looked up at me with a curious frown. "Are you arriving?"

The words shook me up, and without a care, I pulled him to me, ignoring my hard, throbbing desire that cried out to be sheathed and relieved. "I don't wanna come yet... not until I'm sure about what you feel..."

"What I feel? About what?" he asks with wide-eyed innocence. 

I don't know whether to laugh or to cry. He was cute and erotic and sensual this way, and my swelling heat wanted nothing more than to be soaked with all of him.

"Look... we can't just have... uh... sex without knowing for sure what we feel for each other." My manhood throbbed in protest, and I almost let out another groan.

"I see," he answers clinically, but I'm sure he was over-analyzing what I said as he always does. "So does that mean you aren't sure... about being in love with me?"

"I'm sure as far as being sure goes... inside here," I pointed to my heart. It may seem sappy, but for me, it's the easiest way to say things that I know Mikleo has a hard time understanding.

He looks at me with a strangely fond expression, and my body quivers. I had to tell my _thing_ to calm down so I could think.

"Mikleo, I..." I held him by the shoulder. "I guess the problem is... are you sure about me?"

Mikleo draws circles around my chest with a fingertip, and I have to stop his hand before I _really_ explode this time.

He looks up at me with a tender expression, and I swear my knees must have melted into a puddle. "I was hoping to learn more, Sorey... to be sure. And this is a learning experience, isn't it? Sex is doing things with someone you love, isn't it? So what better way to know what you humans call love than to try it at least once?"

"Mikleo!" I sit up and frown at him. "You don't do these things without being sure! Well, a lot would disagree... I mean... it's something people may do if they feel like it... or maybe to have fun... but, to be honest, I don't think it's the best way to learn about love!"

"Is there a _best_ way? Isn't that some sort of prejudice masking itself as a fact? Superlative adjectives are troublesome because they have a habit of giving that impression."

Oh boy, something tells me we're entering another academic discussion that's veering away from the real subject. 

Before things deteriorate into another argument, I touched his face and tried to be as calm as my impatient body would let me. "Mikleo... can you promise me one thing?"

"Anything, Sorey. Anything I can possibly do for you..."

"Promise you won't regret me or any of this?"

"You're always putting yourself down, aren't you? You don't even know how much I like you, but you carelessly assume I don't."

"Say that again?" I tremble, as my manhood heats up, and it becomes a pain to hold all my feelings in.

"I like you Sorey... Maybe love isn't as wonderful in my vocabulary as it is in yours... but isn't it worth finding out? In any way possible?"

I groaned as I pushed him underneath my feverish heat and grunted his name. I just couldn't hold it in anymore... not after having him acknowledge his feelings for me.

He let me stroke him as his hand went down to stroke mine, and I had to bite my lip to stop the pleasure from screaming out of my lungs. I was breathless, but nothing ever felt more delicious... more insanely addicting.

His scent was all over me as he splayed my hands with his desire. I may not have any experience to back me up, but I know from instinct as everyone does what it means after your partner has had his orgasm. My fantasies of doing all sorts of things for foreplay vanished in the face of my throbbing desire begging to melt inside of him right now. 

I pushed his legs up and readied my entrance when I felt hands around my hips stopping me. "What are you doing?"

Something like a grunt escaped me as I tried to suppress myself from groaning out his name like a starved animal. Still, I must have moaned his name deep and urgent, as that shameless part of me hoped he'd understand the language of carnal desires unwilling to be delayed.

Instead, he rummages though a drawer and pulls a red ribbon out. He holds it out to me as I stare dumbfounded.

"You'd have to tie my hands with this."

"WHAT?!"

I know it sounds kinky, but no matter how desperate I felt, hurting Mikleo is the last thing I'd ever imagine doing.

"It's for your own good. So I don't end up forcing you beyond your limit..."

 _Oh god..._ Those words only ramped me up as I took the cord with trembling fingers and tied him loosely on the bed post by the wrists as he instructed me to do.

Staring at his lean, tiny body looking so docile and submissive only made my stubborn cock want to plunge like a madman into his core. I spread his legs and saw how tiny his entrance really was. Without a moment's hesitation, I poked one finger in, then two, then three, watching him squirm with suppressed yearning.

"S-Sorey... I'm almost ready... but you have to use your mouth to let me finish first..."

I don't know why he seems so insistent on this, but since I owe him foreplay (which I think is a proper prelude to sex) I gladly shoved his thing in my mouth, pleasuring it to my heart's content.

He groaned my name like a hopeless prayer, and I started to move faster, licking the sides of his shaft eagerly as the scent and taste of him stirred my insides, and before I knew it I was pressing him for more.

Acknowledging my demands, he released himself in my mouth, and his seed went down my throat smoothly, filling me up. I would have stopped there, but something inside me burned as I felt some sort of energy bubble in my throat, then sink into my chest, coursing through my limbs.

It felt immensely good. I would have sucked him dry like an infant that must feed, but Mikleo shook his head.

"My mana has healing powers. This thing you call _sex_ is nothing more than a practical convenience among our kind. You can almost say it's just a pain reliever... a means of closing mortal wounds and injuries."

"Don't say that..." I tell him, crawling up his small frame to suck those erect nubs that seem to call out to me for attention. He's so delicious that, ashamed as I am to admit it, I want nothing more than to feed on him, to devour him until I've had enough.

"Listen, Sorey. During sex, there are times when we end up draining ourselves completely... forcing the other to take in more than what's good for them..."

"So that's what the cord is for?" I ask in surprise.

"Yes... but it's not just that..."

"Uh, what else is there that you're not telling?" I sneaked up to him to kiss his cheek, trailing kisses down his chin to his shoulder blades. He turned away embarrassingly, and I felt the sudden urge to stroke myself like a maniac. My cock has never been _this_ painfully hard as I exhale slowly to keep myself calm enough to listen and wait.

"It's... shameful," Mikleo says, stealing glances at me. "Do you really wanna hear it?"

"Just tell me, Mikleo. I love you and I've never been so ready... so don't hold back anything from me."

He leveled a gaze at me. "If we release more than the inordinate amount for healing, the receiver may find himself unwilling to stop the physical act, pushing his own body beyond his normal limits until he eventually uses up not only the mana he's received but, likewise, his own life force..."

"You mean-"

"You can die Sorey... and in that death you are enabled to pass on the seed of procreation... the life force that allows our kind to give birth."

"En-enabled?" My heart swells like a bonfire for some reason. "You mean, like... we can really have cute little younglings even if you're not-"

"Healers are the ultimate breeders among our kind. They've been known to breed with whichever sex... which means it has little to do with the kind of receptacle you have down there."

My eyes bulged at the possibilities. Whatever the offspring may be between a human and Mikleo's kind, I couldn't call them exactly _babies_ since in my stubborn imagination, they _must_ look like perfect munchkin versions of Mikleo... not human clones of Mikleo but tiny, walking angels...

Even wings shouldn't be too much if they could grow some.

Moaning his name desperately, I spread Mikleo's legs and watch my cock swell with an urgency that wants to plunge senselessly into his deepest core... to ravish him and fill him up until he's overflowing. "I want you now, Mikleo..."

"Sorey!"

I thrust into him and feel myself swell massively inside his deep, tiny cavern. He struggled against the knots, but I must have tied them pretty good that he didn't have a chance to slip out of them as I sink myself deeper and deeper into him, languishing in the heat and the smooth, silky feel of him squeezing my cock.

I lifted his hip to mine, shoving myself up to the hilt as I moved up and down his body faster and faster. Like an ocean finding its shore, our bodies swelled against each other on instinct, submerged in the ecstasy of tasting pleasures unknown until that moment. 

"I'm coming, I'm coming... oh... oh god... oh!" I rose against his hips with a violent push, arching above him like a wave with his body still wrapped around me. My cock shook and trembled violently within him as I released, and it was so satisfying yet exhilarating, but I couldn't stop. I emptied myself so much that I flopped down the bed in spasms, chasing my breath as my heart soared into the heavens, making me breathless for more.

"Untie me, Sorey! You shouldn't... please... it's enough..."

It seems to me Mikleo should have had me tied instead. Good thing that, although my mind must have blanked out with that massive orgasm, I still have enough sense left in me to follow his urgent prodding.

The moment I released him, he swung his arms around my neck and peppered my face with light kisses. "Dumb idiot! You made me worry so much!"

I laughed and sucked at his neck, loving the slight bruise that throbbed there because of it. "C'mon, I know you'd stop me in time, Mikleo..."

"You mean-"

I smiled at him with all the love I could hold in. "Because you love me too."

"Y-yeah? So? Did-did you know what a gamble that was?"

"Well... you told me everything, didn't you? All the risks and the dangers? I kinda guessed you also held yourself back so you wouldn't endanger me. And the fact that you're willing to be tied that way must mean you were so worried about me you couldn't take any chances... even if there's a slim possibility that those same things that affect your kind won't affect me at all 'cause I'm different... Still, even if you were right, I trust you completely..."

Mikleo scrunched up his face dangerously. For a minute, I wondered why he seemed mad at me.

He slid out of bed, kicking the blankets off him violently.

"Mikleo? Hey... what, did I--Mikleo, did I say anything--hey, get back here!"

He slipped into his usual loose, white tunic, then glared back at me as I stumbled and fell out of bed with my feet tangled up in the confusion of white sheets and blankets.

"Hey, tell me what's wrong!" I reached out to grab him, but he only gave me a killing glare as he turned his back on me.

"You don't understand anything, do you?"

"I'm listening! Just tell me exactly what-"

"It's that stupid idea you creatures call _trust!"_

I frown at him as I pull a blanket out of the way. "It's... look, how can you say it's stupid?"

His eyes suddenly grew livid. "It's dangerous, Sorey! Like you don't know half of what it means to entrust your life, your whole existence, in someone you think you love!"

"But Mikleo, what's so wrong about-" I hold my breath as I watch him move to the window, his pristine robe fluttering against the breeze, somber lavender eyes looking up at the midnight sky.

_S-so beautiful..._

Call it obsession (it doesn't really matter), but it was the most enchanting image I've ever seen in my life. Never had Mikleo looked so pure, ethereal, nothing short of perfect...

An angel more beautiful than I've ever imagined it to be.

Sometimes I wish time would stay still, or just freeze up in moments such as these. Because even if it's just a fantasy or some make-believe, I'd rather have this moment than come back to a reality without any meaning because Mikleo is not in it.

But of course, when have wishes ever given you exactly what you want?

Deep inside, I knew, with a twisting ache, with an anguish that I've never felt before, that something so perfect could not belong here. It is as if we can't have logic and symmetry without losing our capacity to make the impossible happen. So this is what you get when you live in the real world...

You'd have to settle for something less than perfect or sublime because that's what reality means.

And in the world of possibilities, someone like Mikleo is no different. I've realized he's one impossible dream that I could lose so easily the moment I close my eyes and stop dreaming. And that realization alone was enough to make me numb with fear... as if for the first time, I've felt what it means to be truly afraid... to have that empty, tunneling feeling of losing someone you may never find anywhere no matter how hard you look.

For the first time, I realized how naive I was. I used to think that resolve and determination is the key to anything you wish for. But now, knowing I could have someone I could lose beyond any power or control I might have, I realized that determination is just an illusion.

There are things you can't have no matter how you want it or work hard for it.

It's not even ironic. It's just the way things are... which makes it even more tragic.

Except that I won't have it any other way... even if it means settling for loss, desperation, and defeat.

So I reached out to Mikleo even when it felt like trying to wake up from a dream.

"Please, Mikleo... if you just listen-"

Lavender eyes whispered a warning to me, but whatever it was, I was too stupid to care. 

Before I could catch his hand, he was already gone. He slipped out the window and disappeared through a curtain of moonlit shadows and starlight.

Just like the way he came into my life. 

**o)------------o)O(o------------(o**


	4. Chasing Love is Like Catching Fire on a Rainy Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some things like gravity exist even if they're invisible. As for other things like wishes, they have to be said out loud for them to be real enough.
> 
> If only words, spoken under all those stars, are enough to make them all come true too.

**o)------------o)O(o------------(o**

"Sorey, it's nice to know you're okay... and you actually look so much better than yesterday. But something tells me you're _not_ fine. What's up?"

I tried to suppress a groan even when it felt as if every limb of mine has just been amputated without anesthetic. "Rose... I really need some time to myself right now..." 

"Are you kidding? With everyone still here? I can't play host all day without dying from _someone's_ sarcasm, you know that!"

I buried myself deeper under the blanket. "Please, Rose, I really don't feel like facing everyone yet."

She rudely yanked the blanket off me. "Tell me something. This isn't about Mikleo, is it?"

I didn't have time to mutter a denial as a foot connected with my hip, and, suddenly, I found myself in a position that didn't seem far from groveling as I fell out of bed. 

"I swear I heard a _lot_ of noise last night! It was hard convincing Alisha they're just alley cats, you know!"

My body felt hot at the reminder of what went on between me and Mikleo, but all I could do was stare at the ceiling. "Okay, I'm sorry we were loud, all right?"

"Gods, Sorey, that's a _huge_ understatement."

I climbed back into bed and pushed my face into a pillow. It wasn't enough to suppress the memories, but at least Rose didn't have to see how embarrassed I was.

The bed creaked as Rose flopped down with a heavy groan. "Don't tell me you went and finally did it, you heartless jerk!"

"I don't have anything to confess, Rose..."

"Can't imagine myself being with a person I really like _and_ doing _nothing_ but rock, scissor, paper all night." 

I felt a fist pounding my brain, and something in me just wanted to explode. "Rose, c'mon, who I sleep with shouldn't be anyone else's business. It's what _privacy_ means!"

"You slept with Mikleo?"

I held my breath. Remind me never to volunteer information based on half-ass assumptions. I felt my ears, my neck, my eyes burn like I'm about to have a heat stroke. "Just-look... if we can just leave it at that 'cause it's the last thing I wanna talk about, okay?"

"You _slept_ with Mikleo knowing the whole family's here, and _your_ fiancee's just a _few_ walls away?" Rose screeched.

Yeah, right, crucify me, was all my tired conscience could say. Believe me, hearing your guilt feelings spoken out loud like the declaration of independence and no less from someone who has a talent for spouting common sense like an election campaign is enough to kill every brain cell left in you.

Rose was barely done. She pulled the pillow off my face and threw it down the floor. "What a perfect way to celebrate your engagement, you low-life, you-"

"I _know_ , Rose... I'm the worst fungus that grows on a fungus that inhabits the crappiest crap in the sewer. So enough already, it's not like I'm feeling so good right now!" 

"And I seriously thought all that moaning and groaning was just some over-dramatic lovers' quarrel! But you really, _really_ did it-oh god-"

"I didn't rape anyone, all right? It wasn't like I forced Mikleo... I mean... I admit getting a little kinky might take getting used to but... uh, it's definitely not as weird as people wanna think it is..."

"K-kinky?" Rose's voice went up another octave. "Are-are you saying you did... _those_ _kinds_ of things... with a guy?"

I don't even want to know what Rose could've meant by _those kinds of things_. I shook my head. "If you think I'm going to tell you anything, forget it, I'm not the sort of guy who-"

"Oh, yes you are, you perv-you-you insensitive jerk! And just to make things clear, I'm not even talking about you being gay!"

"Rose-"

"You're _so_ out of your mind! Have you even stopped to think what Alisha might feel?"

"It's not like an _entire village_ is going to die because I lost my virginity, all right? Besides, it's my life... nobody else has to get involved 'cept me and Mikleo..."

"What?"

"For now, that's all that matters."

"Selfish brat! So all you can do is admit what an asshole you are?" 

"Fine, I just did! So will you please leave me alone already?" I swear my ears must be bleeding.

Of course, anyone could say I brought all these upon myself. Rose looked at me like I grew two heads, a horn, and several tails, making me feel even more uncomfortable. I wouldn't be surprised if she imagined me with a pitchfork too. 

I'm starting to count to a hundred as my head begins to hurt just as much as my chest. The agony of hurts and regrets coming at me seems as endless and unstoppable as an angry avalanche.

"Look, Sorey, on other days I would've sympathized with your first-time heartaches, but right now is a bad _bad_ time, so get your head out of the clouds and look around you! Gramps didn't waste his time coming here so you can just ditch everyone-"

"I never planned on ditching family, I just... want to be alone for a while... to think things through..."

"Oh, really? What is there to think about when you've already made up your mind? Confusion is just your brain spending a lot of time convincing half of you to stop denying what your other half already knows. So please, I don't wanna hear any more of your whining about you and your mystery man 'cause that's got nothing to do with us... or with Alisha. All she's asking for is a chance to spend some time with you... I mean... how insensitive can you be?"

"I'm sorry." Saying it is never enough, I know, but that's all I can handle for now.

"Well, sorry's not a cure, you jerk! So be a man, get out there, be nice, and try not to break her heart all in one day!"

I shook my head. "Rose, I don't think I can do all that without being a disappointment altogether."

"You _are_ a disappointment! But you can grovel, kiss her feet, and apologize about it later." 

I stare at Rose in disbelief. "Look, it's not like Alisha even likes me that much."

She crosses her arms over her chest and leans over me with a death glare. "Open your eyes, stupid! Alisha may have reservations about you two just like you... but she wouldn't have come here if she thought it was a waste of time. She's never had any other romantic relationship, Sorey... not since you two have known each other..."

"Only because everyone kept saying we're meant for each other..." I told her, doing my best not to feel guilty for believing it too. 

"Hey, if I seriously hate a guy, I wouldn't care if he gets a recommendation from the President, the army, or the entire sorority, all right? The fact is, women never save themselves for anyone except for that person they seriously like or love... to hell with what everybody else thinks or says! Once we find the man we want to be with, we're willing to stick around and wait until he gets the idea... but that's not the same as letting you throw us scraps of _friendly_ affection or asking to be treated like a doormat! So if I were you, I'd tell Alisha what needs to be said and sooner than soon while I still can before it's too late, and before all these explode in my face and hurt everyone!"

I was barely able to follow that last sentence from beginning to end but, somehow, I couldn't disagree. Alisha deserves to know that I'm... already committed even if my _mystery man_ at the moment seems to be bent on running away from such commitment.

"All right, look... just-just let me take a shower and fix myself," was all I could say as I try to pull myself together. Somehow I couldn't help _not_ looking at the window, my mind and heart wandering to that place where Mikleo just vanished without even a goodbye...

My head swam as every memory of him spilled into everything I could see, touch, even smell... Mikleo's presence pervaded every second of my existence in the short time that he and I spent together that losing him felt like my universe has been turned upside down.

It seemed as if contrary to everything I could ever hope for when he came into my life, I was born to be miserable and lonely... born to pine after someone who probably _never_ felt and _could never_ feel the same as I do...

I see Rose follow my gaze, but she says nothing and walks to the door, only to stumble back and crash onto me with a heavy groan as the door opens with a nasty creak.

Through the crack, I caught the swish of something white and yellow, and a hint of something pointed like the tip of a parasol that looks very much like someone's version of a security blanket.

"Oh, sorry... just checking up on my wonderful cousin who ruined his engagement dinner by fainting like a damsel."

Rose gives Edna a hard stare. " _So_ concerned, aren't we now? Know what, snooping around couldn't have made you any cuter."

"Don't try to distract me. Your conspiracies are bound to be revealed by me if you keep me out further."

 _Oh god._ I cringe at the prospect of having to face Edna's questioning since quite obviously she must have been eavesdropping this whole time.

"Conspiracies? Oh, wow, is that what you get from playing KH games non-stop? I think your brain must have been fried by now."

"At least I got one, Rose. But I didn't come to argue. We both know that everyone is waiting for the dork to come to the breakfast table. It's getting late and everyone has better things to do than to wait for his _lordship_ to move his butt and get to work!"

"Who went and made breakfast, by the way?"

"Aunt Selene did. And Aunt Lailah. That Zaveid is around early... and your boyfriend is probably that guy rapping on the front door on my way down here."

"Dezel is _not_ my boyfriend, please."

"Caught you, didn't I? But I heard this one's Eizen. He's better-looking and has the bluest eyes I've ever seen."

"Gods, have you got eyes on the back of your head?"

"I'll grow some for your sake. So where's the dork?"

I slipped into the shower and out of the line of fire before they could throw me a grenade.

 _Mikleo..._ _I swear I'll find you even if it means finding another alien who can help me._

**o-----)O(-----o**

The moment I regained my memories, I came upon this one, undeniable conclusion.

_Sorey is an idiot._

They call me the Enforcer, but to be honest, the name loses its meaning when it comes to _him_. Even before the Emperor had taken away any memories that might distract me from my task, I've been resolved not to let anything get in the way of what I came here to do. But I guess when it comes to Sorey, even a million reminders doesn't help. It's almost as if I'm hopelessly trying to make myself _un-like_ that stupid idiot, knowing how the wish sounds even more absurd. Like it's tantamount to wishing I have another brain to tell _this_ brain to stop with its nonsense.

Maybe two heads is _indeed_ better than one, though my personal meaning seems to be a little different from how that really goes. 

Much worse, Symonne's companionship wasn't helping. Not that she has _ever_ proved herself useful in _any_ way at all.

"In case you're forgetting, telepathy works here as much as it does anywhere. So if you have something to say to me, don't bother to keep it secret. Saying it out loud, at least, spares me from overusing my mind-reading skills for something so... inane."

I look away with a huff. "Why did you follow me here?"

Symonne gives me a stone-hard stare that seems able to penetrate walls and pound them to dust.

"Luzrov Rulay, Vessel of the Guardian of the Holy Light, you were supposed to ensure that Sorey the Shepherd is safe and far away from the Malevolence. This is your last wish, is it not... though a selfish wish it is, which my lord granted against his better judgment. That said, the seraphim that have been whisked to this world seem to be doing well. I see no reason for you to tarry from returning to my master's side as he wishes."

"I know what I'm doing... though I admit I was hoping to spend more time here, if I can..."

"I was sent here to guide you back on your return. As the Holy Grail that protects our world as well as those worlds connected with it, your absence endangers the very balance and harmony which you, the Shepherd, and the Emperor have vowed to protect at all costs."

"Except that the Emperor wishes other things... of me..."

Symonne looked away as if those words embarrassed her more than they did me. "What he wills to do when you are alone together is his own. My _only_ duty is to obey his wishes as if they are my own."

"I guess you're right. What reason have I to complain when this body is nothing more than just a vessel now. I'd be tainted soon enough like everyone else, and it matters little if it happens by the Emperor's will or my own."

"The world is not in dire need of more dragons," she argues in a dead monotone, though one might think by her words that she cared even a little. "You have an obligation to remain as you are if only to proclaim the existence of what could have been."

"Obligation?" It made me want to laugh. "I don't think there's any heaven or hell to welcome those of us who have lost our souls a long time ago... I don't have to remind you that the world we live in is a world ruled by Malevolence, a world where no seraphim remain."

Symonne cracks a smile, which looked just as ironic because it was. "For someone who has withstood the ravages of time to be the last hope of his race, you almost sound like you envy humanity..."

"Then tell me, what is there _not_ to envy?" Denying something I already knew seemed rather pointless so I couldn't be bothered with it. Besides, Sorey is human in _this_ world as he had always been in the beginning of many lifetimes.

For me, it's more than enough to make humanity special.

"You envy their weakness? Their endless cycle of life and death and regrets?"

"On the contrary, the more I learn their ways, the more I realize how simplicity is the rule, hardly the exception that we think it is. I'm not a lover of complications as you and the Emperor seem to be."

"Simple, yes..." Symonne winces. "The word summarizes everything there is to know about humanity. Humans are creatures who live and die and live again only to forget what they came back to do. That's how simple it is."

"Why don't you enlighten the Emperor with such thoughts?" I suggested, trying not to sound _too_ annoyed. "It was, after all, _his_ divine wish to protect both the Light and the Dark by keeping them apart. It is as if all things are meant to be broken..."

"But isn't it so much better that way?" The sound of laughter that followed was almost as cynical as Symonne's self-serving honesty. "Like the present and the past, both exist in Time, an unbreakable continuity that determines the future, even if _that_ reality is _not_ even real, not as tangible as the past and the present that we use to imagine it. The future is nothing more than a mere projection, a non-existing plane of truth outside and beyond the reach of Time itself."

I shake my head at that. "And just like the Emperor, you speak of the future as if it's the most detestable thing."

"And why not? When it's nothing more than wish fulfillment... neither here nor there, just a prophetic, self-serving reassurance meant to preserve a desire that has yet to materialize. We may be powerless against Time, as it is the Ultimate and Absolute Order of All Things, but we can do something about its illusions... the poison that seeps into our hearts and minds because we cannot break Time as we should..."

I try not to think too much about it as I recall my conversations, if not debates, with the Emperor on those points. I lift my eyes from the pages of the book I've been trying to read only to see Symonne cocking an eyebrow at me.

"These illusions you mentioned... what you really mean is that we cannot alter destinies, though we may subdue the influences that make them chaotic and unacceptable... like memories." 

Those words must have struck a chord as Symonne's eyes flickered in amusement. It is as if she had been reminded of things she had been trying _not_ to forget all this time.

"You may yet prove to be useful as my master's Enforcer," she whispers low, making me flinch at the dead tone in her voice. "You say things differently, but the essence is the same. Like Lord Heldalf, I have reason to believe that memories are just a burden that keeps us from growing into our true potential. Like the shadows that connect and bind both Light and Dark, memories are shackles that tie us down... they weaken our resolve and make us sentimental over things we can neither change nor return to."

I couldn't help but watch her eyes glimmer as she paused for words. "In the end, and by now you must know this more than anyone... the greatest illusion is this thing we call _self_... the self that abides by truths distorted by our imperfect and subjective memories."

I tap my fingers on the book in front of me out of habit, or maybe to emphasize how much I disagree with that. "Imperfect as it may be, it's the only thing we have that we can truly call our own."

She snorts as if to say I was being foolish. "If you truly believe that, you would not have allowed the Emperor to tamper with your precious memories before coming here."

There was more to it, but I wasn't in any mood to argue about it or maybe I've known for a long time that there's some truth even in those things I'd rather not believe.

Instead, I shake my head to deny any misunderstandings Symonne might have with regard to my feelings for the Emperor. I don't have to say why it seems more important at the moment. 

"Just to be clear on this, the Emperor's power is beyond question, and as his subject, it's also my duty to submit to his will. But I've no intention to conform to your master's ideals or pretenses as if they mirror my own. Though I owe him obedience, we have our disagreements... more than enough to fill an archive. Saying the same things doesn't mean we are of the same mind."

"You sound as if you still hold Lord Heldalf in contempt... even when he is as much my Emperor as he is yours. He has given you more than sufficient proof to trust in him... as you alone have been given the honor to guide him, to remain by his side-"

"Necessity has little use for honor. What choice do we have when the choices themselves are not of our own choosing?"

"You may have lived a long life, seraph, but you are too young to talk about choices."

By that, it was easy to guess that she was referring to my appearance. Not that she had any right to complain. From an outsider's perspective, we're no more than mere children, or at least, half-adults. Instead of letting me retain a more mature form, the Emperor preferred this child-like visage. By the laws of our shared existence, I could never age a single day despite having lived for more than a few thousand years.

In other words, I was doomed to look like a perpetual eighteen-year-old, just as Symonne, apparently, never grew beyond twelve.

Don't let me imagine the reason, if there's any, behind the Emperor's preferences. But words better kept to myself do slip out on occasions.

I take a deep breath. "As if your lord even cares about choices altogether. Anything that goes against the destiny he wills for the world is never given a chance to succeed."

Symonne winces as if trying to suppress her own temper from rising and speaking in her behalf. She looks down, but I know it's hardly a gesture of humility, more like a dead seriousness that I should take as a warning. 

"Say what you wish, I do not blame you if you think of him as the same Lord of Calamity that you, your Shepherd and I have encountered in many other worlds. But unlike you, I believe the universe is not so cruel and unforgiving as to condemn him to one fate, one dark destiny that no other creature would risk its life for. He's carried the burden of darkness long enough... now is his turn to protect the Light of the World left by your Shepherd. And knowing how my master has been able to keep his sacred oaths and vows in lifetimes before, I know in my soul he will not forsake that promise. He will bear it with the same fortitude that he did the heavy burden of becoming the Vessel for the Malevolence at the time the world needed balance... and a sacrifice whose life must be shed so the world may be purified and renewed as the gods ordain."

I flinch at her words. True, what she spoke was no lie, but things were far more complicated than that.

"You speak of the Shepherd as if he was nothing more than a murderer."

"Murderer? Savior? No matter how much justice and self-righteous idealism you put into them, those words mean the same... although the sound of one may be harsher than you wish." 

I almost clenched my fist at that. "Sorey is innocent. As you yourself recognize, it was the Shepherd's task to purify the world. You know that as the embodiment of Light, his spirit lives on in many worlds like ours... like this world is just one of those that must live on... and survive... It's enough for me to know that Sorey's soul goes on... that it abides by the Light that will never fade for as long as he remains true to himself."

As I tell her this, I could see in my mind's eye slivers of my many memories of Sorey's past. Like dead petals they float aimlessly and flutter away, whisked to some unreachable distance.

I know I'm bound to lose these memories one by one. That was the cost of coming here... though I know there must be far greater things that have to be given up just so I could meet Sorey again, even for the last time. Sadly, not only does my oath prevent me from speaking of those _other_ things, but Symonne's presence is a constant reminder that if I should even attempt to break my contract with the Emperor, I'm bound to lose everything more precious than my life or the fate of all seraphim...

Which is to say I might lose that one person I've endured this much to protect and to keep safe.

The one person that makes every sacrifice worth all the agony and the pain.

Symonne returns my gaze, and for one brief moment, she almost looks wistful. "I admit, we are fortunate to live in a world that knows the existence of all others. Yet, I cannot say I'm thankful to have known how in many of those worlds your Shepherd had slain and murdered my lord as well as those who rebelled against the Light." 

I shake my head at that. I know Sorey more than anyone, maybe more than I know myself. I've written about his journeys, saved up enough memories to keep me from losing my mind as he slept and purified Maotelus, the Ancient One. For that and a hundred other reasons, I cannot allow anyone to tarnish his name or his memories with careless words.

Almost next to me, Symonne seems unmoved by even the most explicit hints of anger that I was desperately trying to suppress. I try to control my voice as I speak.

"You know as well as I do that it was the Shepherd's task, his burden... and fate makes no compromises. It wasn't like Sorey could have chosen otherwise. As his sub-lord in many of those lifetimes, I could not but guide him to his destiny, nothing more."

She stands up and walks farther up the aisle like a child... with her hands behind her. She then turns to me with a huff. "But are you certain you can keep your feelings from it? What you are doing... wanting to be with him and running away... I sense your feelings are so strong you cannot but submit to their persuasive power. As we speak you're interfering... you're showing more concern than is necessary for _this_ Sorey."

Even if there's truth in that, I only wish to deny it. It's not like Symonne would understand that those feelings cannot be as important as the very reason I have to suppress them at all cost.

"He knows me not, I assure you. Nor does he know himself the way we do. Nor will I allow him to know me as he should."

Symonne looked skeptical, not that I've expected otherwise. If there is anyone who would dare doubt my words even when the Emperor forbids it, it would be no less than his most loyal protege, his closest ally and most faithful companion.

"That is a paradox, Enforcer. Even as we speak, your voice sounds regretful. Your pretensions and hypocrisies will be uncovered sooner than you think if you stay longer." 

"I know my feelings more than anyone."

In my heart that wasn't a lie. But I know it's not the entire truth either... not that anyone can see _that_. Symonne must have realized it too, as she turns to stare at the rows of books lining up the shelves across from where we sat. She traces a finger along a line of hard-bound volumes, leaning to catch the musty scent of old leather and paper. 

As I raise an eyebrow at that, she turns slightly to give me a look over her shoulder.

"Fear not, I've no reason to let the Emperor know of things that will only break his heart. I hardly care about your weaknesses or your unfaithful actions, seraph... I only seek to protect my lord's interest even if it means keeping your lies buried where they should. Besides, who am I to defy my master when any truth that hardly agrees with his opinion of you matters little to him?"

"And you've never been jealous?" If anything, my curiosity and annoyance must have gotten the better of me. Otherwise, I wouldn't have blurted out something so embarrassing. 

"You love your Shepherd and dote on him. My feelings aren't nearly as selfish and personal... but without having to say what you already know, I'm entitled to my own choices, none of which needs yours or anyone's understanding or approval."

"That's quite an answer."

She throws me a glare that showed more pride than hurt, which I almost envied. "You have my lord's affection. His undying obsession for you is such that he defies all who would stand and condemn you and your kind. It is more than anyone may wish for in a man... for he does the same for the greater good of those with whom you have a connection. I'm sure these things are more than enough to make up for all the sacrifice and the heartache you and your Shepherd had been made to endure in those worlds where Lord Heldalf was nothing more than your enemy... a forsaken Lord of Darkness against your shining Lord of Light."

I exhaled, not wanting to hear what I heard and the simple answer Symonne was bent on denying. "That just about reassures me that you might hate me."

She gives me a sardonic glance, one that seems just as cruel as it is honest and unrelenting. I almost flinch at the intense feeling it provokes.

"True. If hate can undo his love for you, then allow me to hate you with all my power. But in this world as in the world we must both go back to, we are but the same. So similar are our agonies that my heart cannot help but endure your company and your tongue with sympathies unwanted."

"You sympathize? And why?"

This time she gives me a sad smile... one that is bound to leave a wound deeper than any fatal scythe or dagger could.

"Heldalf's Chosen you may be, but we both know that as my heart will always belong to my master, your heart shall always be one that yearns for your Shepherd. Our hopeless loves like the tides are constant. Nothing can change it though that someone we wish for will never be ours no matter what sighs and prayers are spent or wasted. So saying we are more like chapters in a tragedy that already has an end we do not see but already know. If only for that, I will risk being your ally."

It didn't take more than a minute for me to realize Symonne was right... and that I understood her far more than I wanted to, even if my hypocrisy wanted to deny it. 

As the empty hallways stare back at us with their hollow, unseeing eyes, her words seem to float in my mind like a lullaby, like an ironic reminder of one's forgotten childhood, hoping to keep its sleeper from waking up.

**o-----)O(-----o**

_Oh god..._ if my appetite was bad last night, today it was non-existent as I stare down my plate of toast, eggs and my mom's homemade salad, which in absolutely normal days would have been my simple heart's delight. 

"So... it was just the engagement jitters, I presume? It's really, uh... normal... isn't it? Alisha might have had a rough night too... though hopefully not!"

Alisha's warm smile was more than persuasive. "I slept well, Miss Lailah... though, I guess, I was just tired from the trip. But now, I'm feeling quite refreshed, thanks for asking."

"Well, it's nice to know you feel that way," Edna comments, and I notice her not-so-subtle glances at me. "Because if you were awake last night, you might have heard-"

"Oh, sheesh, clumsy me!" Rose exclaimed, bending down to pick up the toast she had just dropped only to bump a pitcher of juice in the process, spilling just enough to soak the once-spotless table cloth. Aunt Lailah rushed to get a dish towel as Mom disappeared into the kitchen to get a fresh batch of toast and another pitcher of lemonade.

Gramps gives me a penetrating glare that feels normal to me, knowing how he is typically. "It's quite an interesting morning, don't you agree, Sorey?"

"Uh, yeah, I guess?"

"I bet it's not even _half_ as interesting as things that _can_ happen in the middle of the night."

I wanted to pretend I didn't hear what Edna said as she peeked at me gingerly, fingers delicately playing with the toast on her plate.

"Know what, Zaveid?" Rose's voice sounded unusually bright and cheerful. "Our cousin Edna here just decided to enter the same university! How about that? Sounds like good news to you?"

"Please, I can't imagine _you_ being happy about it," Edna tells Rose, looking offended.

Zaveid reacts with a wide grin. "Well, that just about means we're gonna be seeing each other a _lot_ , doesn't it?"

"No thanks, I'd rather be blind."

"I wish you wouldn't joke about things like that," Dezel interrupts a little gruffly, though I can't say if I've heard him speak in any way that you can't call intimidating. "Partial blindness is something I have to deal with every day, and it's no easy thing."

"That's admirable in itself, though I don't mean that to be patronizing. By the way, the name's Eizen. I hope you don't mind my joining breakfast care of one insistent beggar like myself."

"Hey, the only thing I ever begged for is true love," Zaveid teased, slapping Eizen's shoulder.

"You almost spilled my coffee there."

"No worries, sweetheart. I'd gladly refill it for you as many times as you want."

"Oh sheesh, stop with the homo jokes already! This is not the club, and the whole family can hear you... well _my_ family can, if that even matters to you!"

"C'mon Rose," Zaveid drawls, and I have to look away to keep myself from cringing the whole time. "Everyone by now knows what a tease I am! Besides, start talking like that and you'd be an old lady sooner than you wish." 

"I already feel like one."

"Why? Isn't Dezel giving you any roman-ouch! Hey! Careful there, buddy, breaking any part of this body would be tragedy for the ladies!"

Dezel squeezed his shoulder harder. "Sorry. I've been doing some carpentry lately, and I swear, I thought I was drilling nails onto a concrete wall there, my apologies of course." He released Zaveid quickly and resumed eating.

Eizen shook his head. "That means no more jokes from hereon, I guess."

"Bet the _real_ joke around here would be happy to hear that," Edna mutters, throwing me an obvious scowl. "Though he better watch out if he knows what's good for him. Not all secrets can stay secret for long."

"Uh, I'm sorry if this sounds a bit abrupt," I began, standing up without trying to look like I was avoiding breakfast _or_ Edna altogether. "...but I remember leaving some stuff in the library yesterday. I guess I better head there early to check if the library still has them."

"You didn't lose anything important, did you?" Aunt Lailah asked with a worried look.

Though Mikleo was on my mind the whole time, I forced myself to smile. "Just some notes... and a book I should be returning to its owner. Either way, I'd hate to lose them."

"Mind if you let Alisha accompany you? I'm sure she wants to have a look around," my aunt offers, and suddenly, I became even more self-conscious to look in Alisha's direction.

Only to see my mom giving me a smile that seemed as heartlessly irresistible as the rest of the family... save for one exception.

"Besides, it's been ages since you and Alisha have last seen each other. When you two went to college, we never heard anything about you two going out."

I scratch my head at that. "Mom, c'mon, it's not like Alisha and I ever spent _that_ much time together to begin with. I mean, we've never even... well... uh, technically, we've never even gone out as-"

"A couple, you mean?" Rose added glibly. "Well, what can any girl expect from a classic, nerdy geek such as yourself anyway?" She puts a hand on Alisha's shoulder, bending a little as if to whisper a secret. "So if you wanna call it quits, Alish, don't be too shy to say it. I'm sure everyone will understand."

My mom must have sensed how awkward the situation was getting, though nothing on her face showed that she felt it in the slightest. "Well, to be honest, it's not like we'd be happy to hear about it. But Alisha's been part of the family, and in my heart nothing can change that no matter what you two decide. I'm sure you agree with that, Sorey, right?"

I look at my mom and feel everyone's stare gnawing at my insides. I scratch my cheek as I try to find some place to rest my eyes without feeling guilty. 

"We really appreciate all this pressure, all right?" Of course I was just teasing, but I was being honest about it too. I give my mom a peck on the cheek. "But seriously... I don't recommend her coming to the library with me either. I'm sure Alisha has other plans... and it's not half as exciting as-

"Spending an entire day with us grannies?" Aunt Lailah jokes, smiling behind her hand. "With the addition of one adolescent here who hates romance and would kill anyone who brings it up?" 

Edna's scowl stands out like a sore thumb. "Look, I'm already sixteen, everyone. And I don't plan on repeating myself for the benefit of those who intentionally forget."

Rose cracks a smile. "Yeah, some people are just late bloomers. But I guess that's everyone's fault, right?"

"You bet it is, even if I'm not agreeing with anything you'd say from hereon."

"Fair enough," Rose laughs.

I hurriedly leave the table at that point. But as I held the doorknob on my way to freedom from the suffocating possibilities of an interrogation, I felt a hand envelope mine in a tentative squeeze that made me stop and turn.

Emerald eyes of almost the same shade as mine met my gaze. The look was so familiar I didn't have to remind myself that here's a friend I wouldn't want to hurt no matter what. My guilt feelings only made me shiver, though deep inside I wanted nothing more than to return that smile with all my heart in it...

"Sorey? Do you mind if I tag along? I promise not to complain... and I do want to look around as Aunt Lailah suggested. Sorry if I didn't say anything earlier..."

I nodded and let go of her hand as I searched my pocket for keys. Of course I never forget to put my keys in my wallet, but I just needed somewhere else to rest my hand...

I know I was avoiding her needlessly, not that I can help it. And it's not like there's even a valid reason for it.

I guess some part of me hoped and wished there was a reason for me to excuse myself from this, even if the reason may not even be aware of how important he has become after running away, leaving my heart in knots and tangles as to how I might start looking for someone only I could see. 

**o-----)O(-----o**

"Don't you love this kind of weather? It's almost perfect."

I nodded at Alisha, feeling the slight breeze brush against my skin with a comforting coolness and just a hint of warmth that reminded me of solitary summers spent walking along the same routes under the same sky. I couldn't help looking around as the library building loomed ahead of us. Alisha must have noticed my restlessness as a look of concern washed over her face, an obvious question mirrored in her eyes as she turned to me.

"What is it, Sorey? Is there something wrong?"

I shake my head, wanting to dispel her agitation that only reflects my own carelessness. "Nothing. Everything's fine, Alisha, no worries."

She peers into my face, and suddenly, I feel an index finger tracing a line on my cheek. Behind me, I heard someone giggle beneath audible whispers. Everywhere we go, people simply assume we're a couple.

"I hope you're okay. I didn't mean to cause any trouble coming here. The dinner... made me feel really special, and it made me really happy."

"I'm glad it did." I held her hand, gently returning it to her side. "Don't worry too much, all right?"

She stood on tiptoes, and before I knew it, she was kissing me.

It was so sudden, and it was the first time we ever did that, so I stood frozen as her lips locked onto mine, her arms going around my waist to hold me close. I felt her warmth seep into my shirt, and even though it was pleasant and comforting, I couldn't help but stand like a frozen statue, unsure if I should kiss her back or just let her do things on her own.

Alisha stood back a little after the kiss, her eyes questioning. "I'm sorry, I just couldn't help myself, Sorey. I think I'm trying to say thank you... in more ways than one."

I scratched my cheek in embarrassment. It wasn't even a bad kiss. In fact, it felt good... almost making me wish I wasn't the jerk who took that kiss, knowing he didn't deserve it.

"Uh, the dinner wasn't just my idea. Even Rose tried to pitch in..."

She laughs behind her hand. "I could imagine what disasters she must have put you through." 

_Disasters?_ I guess it's easy for everyone to think of Rose as a Calamity Jane, a virtual tornado that can sweep you off your feet and smash you into pieces quite figuratively. But the more I think about it, the more I realize how Rose has been my support all this time. True, her unsolicited advice may be aggravating, her presence loud and often annoyingly distracting, but nothing she's ever told me has ever been wrong. Her good intentions shine like a pillar of hope... though more often than not, it crashes down on you too.

I almost smile at the reminder of the _happiest_ troubles we've been through together.

"Sorey?"

"Uh, sorry... guess you caught me daydreaming again. By the way, I think the library's just ahead." 

The door swiveled to let us in, but nothing greeted us except rows of empty aisles filled with rows upon rows of bookshelves and their all-too-familiar display of books and tomes.

"It seems this library's got no one but... just us."

"And the librarian," I reminded Alisha as she sidled up next to me, our shoulders bumping. I didn't mean to jump away like I did, but even when we had just kissed, physical contact has never been something I get easily comfortable with.

Or maybe my mind is just somewhere else...

"Do you mind waiting here?" I asked as I looked around. It's not like I lied when I said I left some stuff... maybe I did... but in truth, my hunch is telling me that I should find what I'm looking for somewhere around here. That doesn't sound logical at the moment, but so far, my guesses have never let me down.

Besides, it wouldn't hurt to make sure.

"I'd be all right. I'm going to have a look around myself while waiting..." she tells me as I watch her proceed to the nearest shelf right across us.

As for me, I went to the farthest corner of the library where my favorite spot was. My corner is right next to the wall, right between that and a somewhat dusty row of shelves on the other side. Most students stay away from _this_ part of the library as it's the most cramped and uncomfortable to begin with. But for practical reasons I love the solitude and the isolation. Aside from the fact that I hate distractions when I'm studying, the last row of shelves also has the most interesting books to me.

My heart races as the sight of silver and pristine white came into view.

I couldn't have been wrong. I've always believed that the best way to find out if that one person special to you feels the same way is to figure out if he's aware of the same things you care about. Because if he is, then it means he cares about you enough to know you _that_ deeply.

It sounds selfish and conceited, a little maybe... but then again, is there any love that isn't selfish at all, even when it tries not to be that way?

I stumbled to where Mikleo was, forcing him to turn around too late as I wrap my arms around him from behind. I didn't want him to slip away again so I didn't even bother to ask if it were all right to be intimate like this. Besides, I was so afraid he would reject me that I didn't stop to think about anything else.

I hardly noticed that we were not alone.

Time and space seemed to have collapsed right there and then as a shining pillar of light just appeared right between us, but before I could shout Mikleo's name to pull him away from what my body sensed as danger, I realized not only that we weren't alone, but that there was nothing I could have done to stop it either.

Long, dark fingernails touched my cheek, turning my face toward it.

"It ends here, Shepherd Sorey. I hope you can forgive me for calling you by the name everyone wished you have forgotten for your own good."

"Who are you-"

Flickering eyes, a breathless sigh, and a soft shiver of cold lips left me paralyzed as a face I do not recognize swam right before me, blocking any other vision, even the blinding light that I must pull Mikleo away from.

"Countless names I have worn, but it will do for you to remember that I am the Eye of Illusions as the gods have ordained. I am forbidden to say more, but if you have the Key, I would be more than happy to lead you to my master... along the path to where your heart wishes to go."

I couldn't see beyond the outline of light and shadow flickering in front of me as I try to understand what the voice, colder than the wind brushing against my face, was trying to say. "Who is this master you speak of?"

In my mind, I sounded strange... like I was speaking in another person's voice, with another person's way of speaking.

"Lord Heldalf..." the voice answers quickly, lips brushing against my ear. "And though he wishes to protect the Light you left behind, he will not give up the one thing that you both wish for."

"I don't even know who he is!"

"Old souls who have shared so many bitter pasts are bound by lifetimes that require no remembering in order to be kept."

Nothing made sense to me as I could hardly see Mikleo from the radiance that was blinding me to anything save the sharp outline of a child-like face staring at me with frozen eyes.

"Look, I have to find Mikleo, and you're in the way!"

"I _am_ the Way, Shepherd. And he isn't lost. You are."

And with that, my entire vision was flooded with a piercing, dazzling blue light, and before I knew what was happening, I felt myself fall... like I've been pushed into a nameless pit of darkness where I could only hear Mikleo's voice calling out to me... in a way that reminded me of something important that I must have known all along...

Though no matter how hard I try, I couldn't remember what it was that my heart seemed so afraid of forgetting.

When I woke up, Alisha was kneeling in front of me. Her face looked concerned, but there was a strange expression in her eyes that seemed more curious than worried.

"Lady Maltran, he seems finally awake."

"Indeed? He was lucky to have been spared in that ambush. Tell the Emperor we have found him," she says, beckoning to someone standing behind her.

I hear the screech of metal and tried standing on my own, only to realize I was surrounded.

By knights and soldiers in battle gear. Flags waved in the distance, held by men in heavy armor, their faces covered though the slits in their helmets were enough to reveal the hunger of those who must have marched and fought in countless battlefields no different from where I was standing.

Around me, the air smelled of iron... which I was to learn later was the stench of blood, carcass, and rust that lingers after a battle and a night of endless rain. 

I looked around me in confusion as they simply watched me, observing quietly I couldn't tell which or why. They seemed to be patiently waiting for me to say something.

"Lord Champion," a womanly voice that sounded no less stern and steadfast addressed me firmly. I couldn't help but pay attention.

"The Emperor wishes you to be escorted safely to the castle, though we rather have your permission to do so, as the Emperor himself has made clear to me."

"L-lord what?!" I'm sure that was a misunderstanding. Though a dream is mostly that.

This time the said knight, taller than Alisha, took a step forward as if to come closer, though a huge man, no doubt taller than the rest of us, stopped her midway.

He took off his helmet, and a pair of blue eyes met mine with humble concern. He turned to face Alisha... or that someone who definitely looked like her in every way save for the armor and the black and white crest on the front of her mantle swaying in the wind.

"Lady Diphda, this may sound cruel, but as much as we need to tend to the injured, _His Highness_ requires the Champion's presence at all costs. The rules of the High Court admit no exceptions."

"I know just as much how urgent it is. Perhaps we can ask the others to remain and the rest to return to the capital with Lord Sorey. Lady Maltran?"

"I would have to agree with you both. Any delay would cost us dearly, and our safety is likewise compromised. As we speak, I sense danger in every shadow... I would rather not speak of how deception comes easily to those who think of easy victories, though our number inspires confidence. Let the wounded be tended by my men. I will remain while you and the rest take your leave. I leave the matter of _his_ safety to you."

I scratch my head at that. If this were a dream, it wouldn't hurt for me to say something. "Uh, who am I again?"

They all turn to me with aghast faces. The tall, young knight who has just removed his helmet kneels down, and I find myself looking down.

Instead of shoes, I realized I was covered from the toe up in armor. It felt heavy, real, and dangerous, like a vivid dream that you wanted to wake up from but couldn't.

"I am Sergei, head of the Royal Guards and a Knight-Herald of the Emperor's Own. You are no less than his Highness's Champion... the one the Prophecy has sent us to defend His Highness's innocence before the Judgment of the High Court of Asgard. You are Sorey Vllorinhelm... and we heard of your arrival by ship across the seas south of Glenwood. You have been taken prisoner by the Emperor's enemies, the enemies of our alliance. We are fortunate to have found you unscathed after learning of an ambush intended to take your life and prevent you from coming to His Highness's aid."

"H-his Highness?" This is all getting to be distracting as I try to clear my head. I look at Alisha, wondering if this dream knows her as much.

"Uh, Alisha... please tell me what this is about."

She gasps looking a little bit more than surprised, and the tall lady standing next to her raises an eyebrow at me. 

"Lady Maltran, how can he know when I haven't told him or anyone _that_ name?"

"Then he is as the Prophecy says," she answers matter-of-factly, as if citing a footnote from a textbook. "Your secret name is no longer secret as far as we're concerned, Lady Diphda, but then that simply means I should give you a new one. As for you, Sir Sorey Vllorinhelm, I, Lady Maltran, Head of the Knights of Justice of Hyland, am imploring you to honor us with your permission to escort you to Rolance, though as you've already heard, I must leave this matter to Lady Diphda, Lord Sergei, and his trustworthy knights. Rest assured, His Highness, together with the Emperor, has been waiting eagerly for your arrival."

Alisha... or rather, Lady Diphda, turns to me with the same serious expression. "You are indeed his Champion, and we have faith in what the Prophecy says." 

_His Champion_... I don't get that really, but who am I to argue? "Look, all I know is I'm looking for Mikleo... and this is just a dream..." I say out loud. 

Pale faces turn to me, paling even more under the grey, awning sky.

"You have just spoken an ancient name... a name the Emperor forbids. But perhaps such is the irony of letting us know that the Prophecy cannot be mistaken. For you speak of secrets that the Emperor has shared only with me... though perhaps such is the Key to test your sincerity... the Key that led you here..."

To be honest, I have no idea what Lady Maltran was saying up until that point. The only thing I was curious enough to ask about was the meaning of ancient names.

"The name Mikleo," Lady Maltran says, looking pensive only for a moment before giving me that cold, unflinching gaze that only makes her even more intimidating, "... is an old Elysian name carved in the ruins of Mabinoggio that tells of the story of a seraph, the last of his kind, who accompanied the Shepherd of legend in the olden days, in the hope of saving the balance between Light and Darkness, Order and Chaos. The Mikleo you speak of is an old name that belongs to no less than the Emperor's Enforcer, His Highness, whom you have been ordained to serve."

The one who introduced himself as Sergei nods knowingly. "So saying, you are the Champion of an extraordinary being, one who is second to none in importance as far as the Emperor is concerned. You, Lord Sorey Vllorinhelm of Elysia, are the Champion of the Emperor's Consort, the Vessel of Light."

"C-consort?" Somehow, the word makes a harrowing sound in my ears, and I couldn't remember anything more heartbreaking, or maddening, than the pain twisting in my chest as that word echoed inside of me like a hollow warning.

"It is true," Lady Diphda tells me with dignified reassurance. "Their marriage was much celebrated, and hopefully, one that will be blessed with their first-born."

"Lady Diphda, I hope your admiration ends where the rumors begin. We all know that not everyone looks kindly upon their union. A first-born is not something the world can ignore after waiting for centuries for the fulfillment of an even greater prophecy."

"I understand, Lady Maltran. And I promise to be more prudent from hereon." 

_Prophecy... marriage... a first-born no less...?_

I punched my face as everyone looked on, wondering what insanity has made me do something so sudden, absurd, even foolish.

As blood trickled down my knuckles, blinding my left eye as the same trickled down my forehead, I realized one other thing that couldn't have made me even more angry than I already am.

This is _no_ dream. Everything I've heard and seen is as real as the back of my hand.

Even so, I could only clench my fist in resolve. Impossible things, determination, wishful thinking... I don't care what the gods out there call it, or if anything I've come to believe is just a lie or an illusion. If this is the world where Mikleo really came from, there's no excuse or any reason for me _not_ to find him.

And find him I will. Even if meeting him here would only break my heart all over again. 

**o)------------o)O(o------------(o**


	5. Some Dreams Can Only Be Chased Like the Sun

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Neither in the past nor in the future, Sorey could only hazard a guess as to where he had been thrown by the chaos of events triggered by Mikleo's disappearance.
> 
> From what he has seen so far, it doesn't seem possible that he's standing anywhere near or in the same world or the same universe, even.
> 
> Much worse, it doesn't seem as if the same rules apply the more he thinks about them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter has finally been completed, UPDATED, and RE-POSTED! For those who've read the first section, I've added 2 more and revised what I previously posted as well. Sorry for making you read an unfinished one by mistake.
> 
> Again, thanks so much for taking the time to read the previous chapters. For those who left kudos, I appreciate them all!  
>   
> Let's all stay safe, everyone! ^_^  
> 

**o)-----------o)O(o------------(o**

_The stars slowly separate_

_Driving down a road that's taking us away_

_All I ever wanted was this..._

_Your eyes tell me what you've lost_

_You finally take a breath, now that we are gone_

_All you ever wanted was this..._

_All I ever wanted..._

_Tonight, we chase the sun_

_We're burning up the sky like the world is ours_

_But can you feel so lonely if you're not alone?_

_We'll find a way to get back all the light_

_So we chase the sun..._

_The grass between the air and dust_

_Is all that holds us back from getting what we want..._

_How much longer must the morning wait?_

_It's coming up on the horizon..._

_-Arrows to Athens, "Chase the Sun,"_

_from the album Kings and Thieves_

**o)------------o)O(o------------(o**

By now, we've passed at least twenty villages on our way to the capital. It's been three days on horseback for us, and to be honest, dozing on and off without a regular schedule for sleep or rest was enough to make me a little moody... moody enough not to initiate needless conversation, even though Sergei and Alish--uh, I mean, Lady Diphda--seemed friendly and hospitable enough to anticipate my inquiries and answer them without sounding like they're lecturing a clueless kid. 

Seriously, after passing the twentieth village, I deteriorated into a disinterested observer and lost count of the sheep, the cows, and all the other farm animals that we chanced upon along the way. Some seem curious enough to follow us for a mile or two, and I tried not to get used to the distraction or the company for practical reasons. You could say that the countryside gets boring very quickly with its repetitive scenery and landscape, but that's hardly my reason at all.

Rather, it gets easier to lose track of things when you're too butt-hurt from sitting too long, or when you worry every minute that you might doze off unawares and fall off your saddle like an absolute clown before the empire's finest knights. Some part of me wished it was just that, but the rest is actually quite scary to even think about...

Smoke slithered from chimneys, birds chirped on rooftops and treetops, and the scent of hay, grass and mildew stung the heavy, cold, morning afterglow with a breath of freshness that any newcomer might easily appreciate as a rarity. Yet, if there really _are_ facts stranger than fiction, I needn't look very far to name a few. What concerns me wasn't even novel or exotic to begin with... nothing even remotely fascinating the way a tourist might think of unfamiliar things. What I've seen was more like a characteristic pattern, an appearance so oddly familiar it's almost invisible... though a greater part is so appallingly distorted it becomes no easy task to describe it in words.

I guess no one can really be so honest about things one is afraid of. And so to disguise my discomfort I'd rather distract myself by asking about things you can call _safe_. As for other things like the kind that set a tingling chill down my spine, I'd rather settle with the warning that no one can be bothered to explain them without the possibility of opening some Pandora's box.

You can say it's nothing but senseless exaggeration to compare any horror with the kind of evil you see in the movies... bat-winged demons swooping down darkened alleys, gargoyle-like blood-suckers preying on the equally depraved. On the contrary, I think it's when things become surreal, lost in they grey between reality and nightmare, that they truly become objects of reckoning.

And for me, there's nothing more surreal than rigid silence... that kind of soundless tranquility that hits your soul... that dead-to-the-world sort of apathy that almost smells of death. It's more than just the stagnant atmosphere of things in a standstill, of the unbearable silence that strangles even panic when you're waiting for the inevitable...

Rather, it's the uncanny feeling of being trapped in some muted reality of dead sights and sounds, as if between you and your company of strangers is a wall beyond which everything that moves has been put under a spell, a trick that robs people of the very energy that breathes life, that makes us more than just living but also alive. 

In fact, we've passed more than a few farmers and peasants working in the outlying fields, and I sensed or _could_ sense nothing from their presence. Their gaunt, haunted faces didn't look so much as tired or exhausted, but more like devoid of any care or thought... just as their eyes seemed hollow and unseeing, hovering over our faces as if they were gazing up a blank wall. I wouldn't have been surprised if there was even the slightest hint of fear or animosity in those unflinching stares since, surrounded by knights in full battle armor raising the flag and banner of the empire, I imagined our presence to be at least intimidating.

I guess anyone else would've dismissed the indifference as normal if it were that simple. And to be honest, I almost assumed it was. 

Until we've seen a horse-driven cart lose control and run at full speed toward an irrigation dike. A little girl crossed its path and would have been terribly struck if the cart continued down its course. It crashed onto a tree instead, giving the driver and its beast of burden less than serious injuries. Even so, no one seemed to bother with the danger that the child had been lucky to escape.

I've been told that such accidents are rare and often take care of themselves without needless worrying on our part. I couldn't agree with that, but we had to move forward and continue even if I felt bothered by what I've seen from my end. 

To say the least, even those nearby who could've immediately helped or at least inquired about the safety of those involved regarded it with absolute detachment. No one even bothered to stop what he was doing _when_ it happened, as if _absolutely nothing_ happened.

What was even stranger was that those glazed expressions I've seen couldn't have hidden any meaning or motive that's impenetrably deep. But their sunken faces and hollow looks showed something even more disturbing... like a cold, sinister blank... a frozen, soulless emptiness that made my blood run cold. It's as if you're staring down a yawning, bottomless abyss that's beyond pitiful or even desperate.

What I'm trying to say is, though definitely _not_ dead, it didn't feel as if those people were even barely alive. There was no sign of morbid decay that would make it fitting to call them zombies, but other than the fact that they breathe and move about quite freely, you could mistake them for living corpses. 

Or rather, empty husks... lifeless puppets tied to a string that's being pulled from a distance by some cruel, invisible hand. 

You can almost say they seem no different from how characters in a story might appear in the real world if the author ran out of ideas to write them.

The comparison makes me shiver as I begin to wonder if somehow, a part of me is being written here too, like I'm half of a character torn from someone's soul and thrown into this experimental black hole where the odds are greater than the evens. 

Or, just maybe, this is a good excuse for a person from the modern world to settle with an awfully crude and cliche conclusion...

_I'm surrounded by aliens._

The idea, at least, sounds less fantastic or delusional than saying I'm lost in some actual hell or trapped in a world ruled by an evil, malevolent god. Besides, I'm perfectly convinced this world is anything but the same one I've read in history books, though everything else seems to scream normal if no one bothers to look too closely.

By _everything else_ I mean the landscape, the castles we've passed along the way, even our weapons and suits of armor that were no less reminiscent of every lore I've read on the subject of knighthood and the age chivalry. The most surprising fact, though, was that they even speak the same language as I do...

So, if I were to ignore _the rest_ and focus on _everything else_ , it feels as if I've merely stepped into a make-believe world in my own dreams, a world that's been tailored to fit all of my (inadequate) knowledge and expectations.

But these are just random thoughts. The less random ones are nothing I'd want to think about at the moment.

"Lord Champion," Lord Sergei calls from a few feet away. He's riding ahead of me, while directly behind me is Alisha... or rather, someone addressed here as Lady Diphda.

Though I swear her voice, every gesture and mannerism is clearly Alisha's... even the way she covers her mouth when she laughs, or the way she tilts her head and looks sideways when she's embarrassed. It's more than enough to throw me off whenever I look at her. It's like being with someone you thought you've known all your life only to find out she's a complete stranger... someone who hardly knows you even when you know her like a book you've read more than once, or well enough that you can predict her every movement, even the things she says and how she says them.

I guess everything else in this world seems normal up close with Lady Diphda being the most iconic in that regard. But the farther one's vision strays, the more that normalcy recedes in the background like a distant dream. Maybe for that and a hundred other reasons, I try not to think too hard or to see beyond my company of knights. There's relief in the thought that there are things close to you that you can trust even if a little... that for other things that don't feel right, you need people around you to watch your back, to remind you to be on your guard and never lose sight of a potential danger...

It's not like I'm fooling myself by treating everyone like a security blanket. But when you're surrounded by things you hardly know or understand, it's easier to feel safe by looking the other way. In any case, I already suspect that there are _those_ things out there that are just far too disturbing to ignore (and shouldn't be ignored), but far too horrible to even think about. And for now, I'd rather not think about things that I can't really do much about. They say there's no greater fear than the fear of the unknown... but why wallow in it when you know that ignorance is just a temporary setback?

Or maybe I'm saying this because I'm _definitely_ not the hero type of adventurer who marches into the unknown hoping to make a name for himself. I'm more like a geeky archaeologist in search of answers... because only answers can help get rid of the fear. I've always believed that, contrary to what most people think, the opposite of fear is not really courage or inner strength, but rather knowledge and the ability to find it. Inner strength is always there, like a talent that's always been a part of you. All it takes to have it is to find the right opportunity to use it. 

To be honest, I can't even say if I'm using my inner strength right now to keep up with all these complications. It's also possible that I'm contradicting myself in admitting that I can't find it in me right now. I guess if there's anything that makes sense from all these, it's that contradictions are as endless as bad luck itself. 

"Uh, if I may interrupt your thoughts, Lord Vlorrinhelm..." 

Alisha, or rather, Lady Diphda, urging her mount forward to follow my pace forced me to pay closer attention as I tried to sit up and look dignified even for one minute. I caught Lord Sergei's inquisitive gaze wandering in our direction only to stop at Lady Diphda, making me chuckle involuntarily. He seemed embarrassed and threw the lady-knight beside me a quick nod over his shoulder as he did his best to look indifferent from thereon.

For my part I did my best to return their serious expressions, only to realize that trying to imitate the real thing feels more like _not_ trying to be a dork in the middle of a medieval cosplay. Even my awkward smile felt more awkward in my mind as I try to conjure my own image in my imagination.

I was doing just that when I lost my grip on the reigns and barely managed to stay on my saddle by gripping my horse's mane like a kid who was about to fall from his carousel ride..

I felt like a fool, and Lady Diphda _politely_ doing her best not to laugh didn't lessen the tragedy of my halfhearted charade. She tried to cover up the awkward moment by making a slight coughing sound as Lord Sergei twitched on his saddle, doing his best not to look over his shoulder one more time.

"Uh, Lord Vllorinhelm, as Lord Sergei and I were about about to say... " she began, as I rubbed the back of my head after taking off my helmet. I could feel the rough edges of my mail shirt chaffing my collarbone, but I couldn't do anything about it without moving too much and risking an actual fall. 

"Please, it's just Sorey, really..." I tell her, dropping my helmet in the confusion. A knight riding a little behind us had to dismount just to pick it off the dirt road and give it back. I give Lady Diphda a helpless smile. "Besides, I'm beginning to doubt whether serving the Emperor can make me any better at handling little things like... uh... not falling off my horse or making a fool of myself like what I've been doing since I got here."

Of course, that was admitting the obvious. I couldn't tell her that I actually feel like a fish out of water in these defamiliarizing surroundings, and not entirely because I lacked any experience, but for the reason that I was never from these parts to begin with.

Admitting my shortcomings instead of the fact that I'm an impostor posing as the Champion of Prophecy is, of course, short of lying. But I don't know to what extent the truth may help when there's no better or shorter route to Mikleo than to meet the Emperor himself. I guess I just have to bite my tongue the rest of the way and make sure I don't contradict my lies and expose them sooner than necessary. 

"Thou art humble, my lord," Lady Diphda tells me as she pulls toward me with a smile. "Lady Maltran says formalities are the essence of discipline, but I believe we'd do well to admit exceptions in this case... especially when no less than the Champion for His Highness desires it. Besides, I think it no danger to accede to such a kind request. So it shall be _Sorey_ as you wish."

Something tells me I should _also_ get the hang of using such lengthy platitudes as I watch Lady Diphda smile behind her hand. I must have already said a million times how she resembles Alisha in almost every way even as the better part of me kept saying how I shouldn't gawk at a lady if I've no intention of being misunderstood. The other half of me vaguely hoped I wouldn't look half as stupid as I already do.

Well, not that _looking stupid_ should really bother me. Here as in other worlds I realize I might never really fit in... as if I'm meant to be a perpetual outsider in self-exile territory. 

Which brings me back to the folly of asking perfect strangers to tell me who I am... or to supply personal information I should know better than anyone. When you're surrounded by strange people in stranger lands, admitting ignorance is like asking for torture or an immediate execution. I mean, if you don't even know who you are, there's no one to stop anyone from insisting that you're the terrorist at large being hunted down for the kill or some escaped convict whose arrest comes with a reward. 

Not that Sergei or Lady Diphda seem to have that in mind.

I've been regretting my actions since realizing all these until Sergei makes a slight gesture with his hand.

"What Lady Diphda and I wish to discuss with you just now is that, we have decided to set up camp for the night as soon as we reach the edge of Volgran Forest. Though we do not think it sufficiently alarming, there had been reports of sporadic attacks being mounted there by bandits, cutthroats, and those who intend to tarnish the Emperor's reputation by needless acts of violence. Even if our knights are more than reliable company, I agree with Lady Diphda that unnecessary risks are foolhardy to take in this situation. As you are already aware of, Lord Vllorinhelm, your presence is far too important to the Emperor and His Highness for us to ignore proper precaution."

I scratched my cheek at that. "Uh, it's all right. Besides, it'll give us a chance to rest our horses. It's been a very long ride." 

"I agree. But as for that personal request of yours earlier... I'm afraid adopting such an unconventional manner of speaking might take getting used to. I would feel better addressing you by your title as your position warrants it at the very least. Or perhaps... I'm just _not_ as resilient as Lady Diphda here."

Boy, that sounded stiff... as can be expected of a Knight-Herald of the Emperor's Own. But the silvery tinkle of laughter coming from Lady Diphda was enough to make us both look her way.

"If Lord Sorey insists that we call him Sorey, I suppose it's all right if you drop the _Lady_ when you address me, Sergei... After all, this journey can't be long, so doing away with the courtesies is but a relief from boredom that we can afford while it lasts."

Though Sergei's face lights up at Lady Diphda's reaction, he suppresses his feelings with an instinctive show of modesty that strikes me as odd and unnecessary. I frown at it a little.

"Uh, Sergei, is something the matter, or are you simply _this_ shy with Alisha-err, I mean with Diphda?"

Both of them stare at me like I've just uttered the longest tongue twister in any language.

Sergei looks as if he's just about ready to bite his tongue. "Pardon me, but I dare not answer that inquiry. I do not suppose that I'm fit to measure my feelings against such a dignified and noble lady."

I found myself laughing. "You mean you like her, you just haven't figured out how much? Or if she's gonna be mad or happy about it?"

Sergei looks at me, then at Diphda, then carefully pulls the reigns of his steed to keep in time with her mare. "Lady Diphda, allow me to explain myself..."

"It's just Diphda. I'm sure you've heard Sorey addressing me as such, did you not?"

He struggles to say something, but looks at me as if I can or _should_ help him out of his predicament. I shake my head. "I'm afraid you're on your own in this one, your lordship."

He frowns ever so slightly, then turns to Diphda, bowing his deepest. It felt awkward to watch a rider on horseback do that. 

"Lady Diphda, as your comrade my admiration of you has never been secret. But I hesitate to be allowed to take advantage of my position by such careless manners. Addressing you as Diphda would be no less than immodest, wanton, and-"

"You just called me Diphda, Sergei. Thank you."

I could've given Sergei a friendly slap on the shoulder, but having little knowledge of the cultural conventions here, I was afraid of doing things that may be potentially misunderstood as an insult. Besides, there wasn't even the slightest sarcasm in Diphda's tone or expression that would excuse his confusion. I'm sure even Sergei can tell she was honestly pleased and appreciative. 

"Uh, my apologies... but if you insist on it with such a passion as to..."

"I do, kind sir, insist on it so passionately," Diphda answers quickly, looking and sounding very much amused. I'm beginning to wonder if, in this world, people are aware that _that_ kind of cute talk counts as flirting.

"Uh, that said, Lady Di--uh, I mean Diphda... being called Sergei is, admittedly, somewhat refreshing on my end. It reminds me of my older brother, Boris."

"Lord Boris has not returned, has he?"

"We fear the campaign up north is taking longer than expected. Not that the Emperor has any cause or reason to worry. If necessary, or should the Emperor command it, I will not hesitate to lead the King's Own to Helmsdall to crush the rebellion in their own territory with my very own hands."

Amused and relieved as I am that some things _sound_ normal as _normal_ goes from where I've come from, I can't help but chuckle to myself as I watch a little romance unfold right before my very eyes. Without having to call it bragging, I wonder if Sergei is even aware that women might love this kind of chivalry... this talk of conquests, of winning in foreign lands under the king's flag. If anything, this kind of romance makes me want to believe, though ironically, that in some aspects at least, this world is _too normal_ for words.

But no sooner than this realization hits me that I get the feeling that I've been somehow betrayed by what Mikleo has seemingly led me to believe. I sort of expected a more futuristic universe as his home... a world of unparalleled technological progress that explains his need to translate everything into words. 

He explained to me, or maybe I just misunderstood it... that where he came from, thoughts can be passed on without the need for verbalization... for any acquired system of verbal signs capable of reducing thoughts and meanings into sounds with a structure and a semantics. Even if admittedly, ours is so deeply wired into our consciousness that we can't help but think and speak almost simultaneously, we go through a process of externalizing our thoughts by means of tangible signs... either spoken or written words... in order to communicate with one another.

As far as _that_ goes then, we aren't capable of transferring _pure_ thoughts, which only telepathy can do, in science fiction at least. Each time we think in our heads, we use the same external signs to translate those thoughts that Mikleo says are the reason we have misunderstandings and miscommunication in the first place. Because significant things always get lost in translation... emotive meanings... meanings that speak from the soul. 

I have yet to see Sergei and Diphda staring at each other and just communicating like speechless, dumbstruck lovebirds. I've no doubt the image would be just as appealing to linguists as they would to someone like me who, out of sheer, wanton ignorance, depravity, or idiocy, couldn't help but think of love if only to rest his heart from feeling _too_ lonely. 

**o-----)O(-----o**

"Are you awake? Can't sleep?"

I squinted at the calm, soothing voice that roused me in the middle of my feverish dreams, and though it couldn't have been any less kind than it really was, I realized how it seemed so much more than that when you actually wake up to it.

She tilted her head to the side, watching me closely, though for her benefit, I wished she wouldn't. Not only am I an awful mess at this time, but I also have this nasty habit of rambling on any random topic and embarrassing myself when I'm only half-awake. 

I rubbed my eyes and squinted some more, hoping to see better. "Uh... what time is it, Alisha?"

She looks startled all of a sudden, then beaming me a wide, child-like smile, looks up at the full moon above us.

"A few hours before midnight if I'm not mistaken. I'm happy to say how fortunate it is that we're travelling at a much better pace than Lord Sergei and I have hoped... though practicing caution, he suggested that we camp for the night instead of riding through the forest up ahead and taking our chances. I trust his instincts, so I was happy to agree to it."

"Chances?" I was a bit surprised to hear that. I do remember Sergei saying that there are potential dangers involved in traveling through Volgran at night. However, after getting a better view of the company we're keeping, I could roughly estimate at least a thousand knights. For an escort, that number must be quite impressive.

Of course, the realization also makes me a bit embarrassed. To think that they regard me as no less than _His Highness_ 's much-valued Champion, his stalwart defender, his bastion of hope...

This Champion must be so wet in the ears to need this kind of escort... an escort of seasoned soldiers who had probably fought in countless, bloody battles and had survived more life-threatening missions. 

What a Champion I am indeed! A knight of prophecy who doesn't even know what to call himself... who can't even pee without being shown how to adjust the lower half of his armor... and who has no idea where the capital is or what kingdom he's trying to reach...

A soldier of justice who doesn't even know how he might defend His Highness's innocence from some godly, high-minded court because winning a single, decent argument against his own family is almost an impossible accomplishment on its own...

To be honest, I can't even muster the nerve to tell Mikleo why he should choose this poor excuse of a human over some emperor who owns entire continents, has armies of stalwart and noble knights ready to defend and die for his cause, and whose empire practically stretches farther than any horizon from any direction.

His reputation, from what can be inferred from the way Sergei and Diphda talk about him, seemed one worthy of worship and reverence. They call him the _Hero of All Ages_ , the _Wrath of the Gods_ , the _Shepherd-Slayer_ , _the King of Prophecy_ , no less. 

So who am I kidding? How can I even begin to imagine that sort of guy _as_ competition? But... if anyone were to ask... 

To hell with all those names and titles! I don't think anyone would be so foolish as to think that love's a matter of worth or fame. And I suppose life is too short to be spent on making a name for oneself when in the end, all that counts is whether our choices have made us happy despite all those regrets that go with them...

If I think about it more, it seems impossible for a man to have lived and died without having failed at anything at least once. Regret is not something anyone chooses to have. Sometimes, even the best choices at the moment seem the most regrettably disappointing in the end. Because no matter how smart any one thinks he is, there's no way he can see the future _him_... or expect _that_ person he's become to be the exact same person he had wanted to be in the past. 

But no matter how many things I end up grasping with these hands and losing in the end... no matter how many times I fail to reach one goal or some other, there's one thing I don't want to regret for as long as I live...

And that's the reason I want to see Mikleo again. I want to know what it's like to share one lifetime with someone I've fallen in love with.

They say _first love_ is always _never_ meant to be. That's why I hate to think of Mikleo as my _first_ or my _last_...

I want to think of him as _my_ _one and only_. I want him to be permanent and irreplaceable... like my soul.

For Mikleo, I would run through countless hells and tear them apart if I have to. The reinforcements wouldn't even matter.

Not that Sergei or Diphda would ever let me go without, I bet. Speaking of which, I've already begun to consider those two as friends. It's like I've always known them from some distant past and our coming together, here, is just the way it should be... like an unexpected reunion rather than a getting-to-know-you sort of thing that needs to go through some adjustment phase. 

"Sorey?"

"Yeah?"

"You seem to be... drifting off. Lord Sergei is worried that something must have happened on your way here..."

_Lord Sergei?_ I noticed how Diphda has fallen into the old habit of using formalities, at least with the modest Knight-Herald. Maybe the possibility of those within earshot overhearing us makes her a bit self-conscious about Sergei's respectability. Either that, or she personally regards Sergei more as a comrade than a man, and properly wants to establish that distance so as not to be misunderstood.

Whatever it was, I would always be vouching for Sergei. I knew I just said that love has little to do with being respectable or honorable enough to be deserving of someone. But, no matter how I look at it, I couldn't help thinking of Sergei as a perfect fit for a noblewoman of Diphda's stature.

Not only is it easy to see how, just like Alisha, the lady-knight is fairer than any ordinary, pretty girl. Her personality overflows with an easy charm and a genuine, sincere, unassuming friendliness that anyone would have reason to be attracted to.

I'm no damsel, but Sergei isn't far behind. He looks like the sort of man who'd be committed in a relationship, have kids and grow old with his wife and grandchildren... a happy, contented man with a proud legacy to leave behind.

I couldn't dwell much further on the romance though as, even from behind a cloak of shadows, my surroundings became apparent. 

I quickly notice that my companions have made a fire far from the trees, at the edge of some outgrowth of vines and shrub the names I could not have guessed even if I should find them in my own backyard. There were berries laid out in shallow baskets weaved from dried straw, and over the fire was a pot that smelled of bland stew that seemed to have more herb than meat in it. There was something that apparently smelled like fish grilling on the side, and I also caught the pungent smell of grease and gunpowder wafting through a mixture of malt and alcohol that seemed as ripe as the drunken conversations going around us. I could almost guess that while I was sleeping, the men huddled everywhere around me must have been busy at work, drinking as they laid out fresh weapons and supplies and carefully inventoried them.

I stare at the orderly commotion around me and was almost embarrassed by my uselessness.

"Lord Vllorinhelm," a man calls out to me from behind Diphda. "Would you be so kind as to entertain us with stories of your exploits? We wish to hear what the Champion has seen in the world far and wide, beyond our shores. Most of us have only heard of Elysia... it is a place of lore no less mysterious than the ruins of Mabinoggio and the tales of the blessed Shepherd."

Around him men hollered for the same, spitting details about some shepherd who conquered the darkness and passed on the Holy Light of the Heavens to no less than the greatest hero prophesied by the seraphim, the noble Emperor Heldalf.

Diphda leans over my shoulder with a faint, almost apologetic smile. "You see, they assume your scholars might know better than ours... for we've only read such tales of greatness from the scanty remains of the Chronicles of the Shepherd. Most of it has aged so badly, has seen too many calamities that the names and details have been completely expunged by damage and wear. Even the bards who sing praises of the Shepherd know not which of their versions is more accurate."

"Lord Heldalf has held so many festivities to honor the Shepherd," another man says behind her. "Perhaps your arrival signifies the Second Coming as prophesied... the arrival of the one, true Lord of Light to vanquish the darkness of despair and false hope." 

"Uh, oh, _that_." I scratched my cheek and bothered my head a little with the obvious question: Where the hell should I start when I haven't the faintest idea what these drunken bastards are even asking about?

Besides if I have any intention to vanquish anything at all, it would have to do with the more personal aspect of this journey. Despite all these confounding distractions, my one goal and only desire to see Mikleo has never changed. I don't plan on having anything to do with Heldalf, whoever he may be, or the war between the Lords of Light and Darkness.

I've seen enough _Starwars_ movies to know that these ageless battles between the forces of good and evil are nothing more than perversions of extreme idealists. All I wanted is to bring Mikleo home and have him explain what this ruckus is... about getting kidnapped by an emperor who wants to put him on the throne and have kids with him.

Call it stupid, but I haven't given up hope on Mikleo and probably never will. I don't care if he's married to the devil. 

I don't care if he has lain with him a million times. Even if Mikleo had kids with him, my feelings won't change.

I want him to make his own choice. It may not be me in the end, but I want to see his eyes when he does. Even for the last time, I want to kiss him and tell him before he makes that choice that I may be the nerdiest geek in the universe... a useless dork who never owned continents and has only a basement for a castle...

But this dork has loved no one else but him... and will love only him no matter how many lifetimes I have to wait for him to be mine. 

Thank God Sergei was quick to come to my rescue. It was hard to tell what kind of liquor he was carrying in a huge wooden pitcher in one hand, or what kind of roast meat sat beside a modest bowl of stew that smelled heavily of herbs and spices. I almost felt hungry when he motioned me to take them, though some part of me cringed at the thought of trying some alien animal or poultry for food.

"I believe His Highness's Champion should save his strength for better things," Sergei tells the men around us as Diphda and I look on. "We are nearing the capital, but this route we have taken, the shortest it may be, is likewise the most prone to ambush if not to traps laid by the enemies of the crown and their mercenaries. Sad to say, until we reach the capital, we have nothing to waste on trifles, even conversations among us brothers, though I understand the curiosity and the admiration that inspire it."

Whoa, talk about diplomacy. I would've applauded him like an admiring damsel if it wouldn't take away the attention from the cold, serious atmosphere that Sergei's speech rightly conveyed. Looking at Diphda, I imagine Sergei to be the ideal man for such a respectable lady... someone who'd look picture perfect right beside her knight in shining armor. 

"Sorey?"

"Hmm?" I hummed absent-mindedly as the voices of the men around us dwindled in the silence of the shadows. I noticed that, as may be expected of a seasoned knight, Diphda has already downed the pitcher of ale Sergei had brought for dinner. Not feeling _that_ hungry, the most I could do was pluck some parts of the roast meat and reluctantly chew and swallow them. Surprisingly, the meat tasted really good... sort of a little better than buttered chicken. 

The long gap made me wonder why Diphda seemed suddenly hesitant and unsure to speak up. But I didn't realize she was leaning ever so closely until she finally whispered something in my ear.

"Sorey, do you care to sleep with me tonight?"

I knew right away I misheard that. "Uh, sorry, but what was it-"

"Sleep with me tonight, my Sorey..."

She smiled in the same friendly way, but I swear, I hardly noticed she was drunk until she kissed me on the lips and fell into my arms, her body draped like a lifeless doll on top of me as I stumbled backwards before ending up on my butt.

"S-Sorey... sl-sleep... with... Alisha..."

I cocked an eyebrow at that, wanting nothing more than to wake her up without touching any part of her if I can, until I felt strong arms pull us up together. In fact, I didn't know I've almost dropped Diphda until I felt Sergei's arms lifting her weight off me.

"I... it was nothing, I swear... I mean, she just... fainted... uh, I mean... I don't think that's the right word for it..." I tell him haphazardly, confused as to whether I've violated any code or law that would make me guilty of third degree sexual harassment (if there is such a thing). As I think about this, I let the Knight-Herald wrap his arms around Diphda and pull her to him in what may otherwise appear as a protective embrace.

I finally managed to stretch to my full height, fully awake and alert after that unexpected development, only to exchange embarrassed glances with everyone.

"I don't think she even knows that she had too much to drink. She seemed... uh, somewhat normally awake before this, Serg-uh... Lord Sergei."

"Worry not. It is just as I have imagined it."

"Excuse me?"

Sergei gives me a benign stare that seems more oddly conflicted than upset. "Though your cherished beliefs may differ, let me share an old saying we citizens of Rolance uphold quite shamelessly..."

"Uh, you mean something like a folktale or proverb?" I hesitate to ask.

"Indeed. It says, _a true lady never tells the truth, nor speaks of her secret name under the influence of anything, save her choice wine and the man her heart most secretly desires_."

"W-what?" I almost shiver imagining other cultural notions he may have when it comes to women.

"Does your reluctance suggest that you are by chance already married? Not that I should be surprised if you are, for you seem a man of charm and appeal... the kind that Lady Diphda would find attractive in a fellow of such stature."

"Uh, no... I-but-"

"That said, my only wish is for you, Lord Sorey Vllorinhelm, to take good care of Lady Diphda. As you are His Highness's Champion, I have no right to question your worth as a fair match to her affections. Treasure her as you would a jewel of the rarest kind and the highest value. Believe me, she deserves it and more."

Even if the misunderstanding bothers me more than the mixture of questioning looks and amused gazes I received from everybody else, what made me panic was watching Sergei walk up to my tent to lay Diphda on my cot of hay. As I was starting to protest, he disappeared without a word or even the slightest gesture of friendliness that I was _almost_ used to, in the short time that I've gotten to know him and Diphda. 

More than that, I hate the idea of anyone imagining what must be within my capacity to do within the privacy of my tent, with a lady who seems utterly and carelessly drunk, whispering my name in bated breath, in the haze of her dreaming, drunken sleep. 

**o-----)O(-----o**

I woke at the first light of dawn not to the sound of birds chirping but to the sound of a loud holler outside my tent. Sergei looked at me in confusion as he seemed to be walking and strapping his armor at the same time as I asked what the commotion was about.

Before that, he frowned. "Did you just sleep in your armor, Lord Sorey?"

"Uh," I scratched my cheek. "Yeah? But what is the noise about?"

Behind me, I heard Lady Diphda fumbling with her suit of armor as well. It seemed the noise woke her up too.

Sergei seemed careful to avoid her gaze. "An attack. One of our sentinels has been mortally wounded with arrows. I suggest you ready your shields and long bows and meet me on the west side of the clearing. I've already ordered the others to cover the rest. You, Lord Champion, should better stay close to me."

I nodded and went for the line of weapons readied across us only to feel a hand stopping me.

"Sorey? About last night..."

"Uh, it's all right. We can talk about it later."

"No... I mean... I just want to let you know, it's my fault. I owe you an apology and an explanation."

I turned to look at her closely and couldn't help smiling at the obvious concern on her face. "I... think it's really no one's fault to begin with. Besides, I won't let anything happen between us... I mean... I didn't do anything last night to make you worry."

Her face became a furious scarlet. "I would do better, my lord!"

"B-better?" I frowned at that. "W-what do you-"

She pressed an index finger on my lips to shush me. "I was inadequately prepared to receive you, Sorey, and so you cannot be blamed for _not_ taking me as you should."

This is getting _really_ confusing. "I'm not... I mean, why would you think you've any obligation to give yourself to me?"

"It's... a little complicated to explain..."

"Don't worry," I try to wave off her embarrassment. "To be honest, it's not like I plan on having a relationship with someone else right now..."

" _Else?_ You mean-"

"Uh, I-I'm already, uh, you see... I-I guess you can say I already have someone I'm committed to... someone I love more than anyone I've ever known." While saying this, I did my best not to stutter, but I just couldn't help looking and sounding like some hopeless geek even in my imagination. So I wouldn't be surprised if she saw me as some incredibly foolish dork, a clown for laughs. 

"I perfectly understand. As your second woman, I shall see to it that I serve you well... with all my heart... and with the same loyalty and commitment as your first chosen, my lord." 

Men around us turned to look, curious as to whether we're in a serious argument or debate.

_But w-wait!_ _S-second woman?_ You mean to say there are such things as _those_ around here?

I scratch the back of my head at that shocking realization. "Alisha-no, I mean, Diphda... you see... I-I really like you, but... I-I don't plan on taking anyone else. Not right now... or any time in the future... and I'm not being self-righteous or anything, it's just that... I guess those things are just... beyond me."

Her eyes narrowed, but she looked more hurt than angry.

"I see. Such are my foibles last night that you wish to have nothing to do with me."

I shook my head to deny that as strongly as I could.

"You're easy to like... you're kind, and charming, and I can't imagine any man saying otherwise. But it's not... from where I _really_ come from, vows of love are as sacred as the stars. I mean... I'm not trying to be a poet here but, I've always believed that..."

I patted her hand as something that felt close to regret began hammering my chest. It was _not_ regret for _not_ choosing her... more like regret over the fact that I have to make this choice to begin with... that of all the sorry things a man can do to a woman who didn't deserve it, it had to be _this_ sort of denial, with _these_ words, which I could hardly imagine any other man saying to such an ideal person.

"I've always believed that there can only be one light to guide one's heart to its proper destination, just as there can only be one moon and one sun to shine above us. And that's the reason why I can't be with anybody else..." 

"You are the Prophesied Champion... doubtless you are worthy to take more than one mate who shall bear you children... partners worthy to share your company and ease your worries, the suffering that afflicts those of our kind who must always face the danger of death in battlefields far from home... and I swear, I intend not to be a jealous or tedious woman-" 

"I... don't think you'd ever be a burden on anyone, Alisha, but... I'm not about to change my mind about this... not now or maybe ever. It's got nothing to do with you, me, like I'm not even sure if I'm strong enough to change the way I feel about it. For now, all I know is... the one I love is the _only_ reason I can't be with anybody else... even if I really like you."

I don't know how I've managed to say such things as bravely and honestly as it takes. I'm certain in my mind I've said what only lies in my heart, and it was not out of pity or anything like that... but more than anything, because I consider her a friend even if I've not known her that long. 

And more than that, I want them all to be true for Mikleo because I can't imagine saying or believing things otherwise. No matter what hells are out there waiting for us... 

But Diphda shook her head at that, choosing to face me with resolute eyes.

"Then the more I wish to be part of that light, my lord! A single sun or moon it is, but the sky would be lonely without its stars, invisible as they may seem against all that shine."

My heart started racing. I wasn't expecting her love, or whatever it is, to be this... tenacious.

"Uh, I-I really appreciate that your being honest, but I don't think you under-"

"I _do_ understand," she interrupts with a straightforward, unflinching gaze, and for a second, it looked as if I've just inspired rather than discouraged her feelings. "And yet, I believe, it is you who comprehend _not_ our ways. From where I come from, the first man we sleep with, the first man we confess to with all our heart and soul is the only man we can ever be with, to live and die for until the sun no longer shines. When you spoke my secret name for the first time-"

"Uh, you see... it's a long story, but that was nothing more than just a coincidence..."

"There are no such things as coincidence, Sorey! And it was just as the Prophecy says... for no less than the Emperor has told me... that the man I was destined to be with is an honorable man who shall speak my secret name as if he had known it from the time he was born... that he shall be a man from distant shores, from the pure land of the seraphim, the blessed land of Elysia... and that he shall come to unite all in light and darkness, to bind as much as to free us all..."

I see Sergei waving at us from a distance, and I can't help but let go of Diphda's hand.

"Lord Champion, hurry, and Lady Diphda! We should be on our way!"

I nodded to Sergei and went for the array of weapons across us, handing Diphda a shield and a long bow before getting my own.

"Let's go. And as for that prophecy..."

She stood on tiptoes and kissed me softly, barely brushing her lips against mine before I could move away. Her eyes seemed frozen with tears as she smiled kindly, and I swear I wanted to punch myself for not being able to say things better... or sooner. Not that there was a chance to, or that I could have known that things would turn out this way. 

"Be it some prophecy or just a stupid wish, I want you to be safe, Sorey. Let me be your protection, just as I am certain that you will be mine."

I could do little else but to nod to that as we both hurried to Sergei's side. On our left was a spring surrounded by thick brambles laden with thorns. To our right, no more than a few feet away, was a huge monolith chipped and cracked along the edges and covered with moss. Even so, some of the exposed surfaces showed strange markings that looked like hieroglyphics etched in stone.

It was interesting enough, but I couldn't let myself get distracted as the impending danger forced me to follow Sergei's lead. We all gave our fullest attention to the semi-darkness spread out before us, disturbed only by an occasional gust of wind that felt frigid despite that fact that I was all covered in armor.

"Hellions... about fifty or so. Not more than we can handle I suppose..."

I crouched right beside Sergei, trying to guess how his senses could've been so exact about that when I could barely hear a sound. "Uh, hel-hellions? Here?"

The question was supposed to make it seem as if I've heard of them before, though in truth, I've no idea what they are. The name just sounds nasty enough to suggest that whatever those creatures are, they're hardly friendly.

"I believe you've had more experience with such rabid monsters. They say only the blessing of the last of the seraphim protects the Elysian Highlands from being overrun by hellions. They're the reason we lost Glenwood and Helmsdall... the same reason the capital had to be moved to this continent, using the same names for the ancient cities and kingdoms that were once in Glenwood." 

"I'm sorry... it's been a thousand years since then, and yet we delve on these tragedies as if they happened only yesterday," Diphda tells me, kneeling no more than a few feet away from where Sergei and I have been crouching. "Your survival alone is enough to rouse such memories... but it also reminds us how immensely powerful you must be as a knight and warrior. We've never heard of survivors coming from Glenwood in a long while. And you are the first to have come from such a distant land..."

Sergei nods briefly. "Lady Diphda is right. You see, even traveling by sea is an impossible feat on its own. We have marauding pirates, entire armies of hellions even, setting sail from the oceans of Glenwood to wreak havoc on our shores. They invade villages, kill and pillage and rape. Some hellions have the ability to possess and control anyone of weak body and mind for their malevolent purposes. Only therions can fight their kind... though breeding them seems just as risky."

"I can't forget how some of those hellions destroyed whole villages three years ago. Entire families had been massacred... including mine..."

"I'm sorry to hear that," I tell Diphda, returning her softening gaze. Then something just came to me. 

"Uh, shouldn't we be a little more quiet? I mean... we're even supposed to be hiding, aren't we?"

Sergei clamped me on the shoulder. "I'm cloaking our voices."

_Cl-cloaking?_ I don't think the word's been used that way before.

Sergei stretches an arm in front of us. "Up ahead. Do you see it?"

"Enemies?" I asked, as I held my long bow in a tighter grip, though in my mind I couldn't begin to imagine aiming or shooting it at anyone, even if it were a foe.

"Wait, hold on... that banner..."

The moment Sergei uttered those words, Lady Diphda stood up, her eyes wide with amazement.

I wanted to pull her down to safety, but Sergei did about exactly the same.

"Is it... I can't be mistaken! The Emperor is..." I watch Sergei's expression change swiftly from incredulity and disbelief to wide-eyed amazement. "I can't believe it! Lord Heldalf himself is... here..."

I stood up to follow their distant gazes, across a mist-laden field of towering trees and wild flowers only to catch the scent of something so awfully familiar my heart hurts to think or imagine it.

Mikleo's scent filled the air and my mind with a flood of memories. Like a sad song playing itself over and over, the fragrance secretly found its way into the dead silences of my soul that, somewhere deep within me, already felt as if it was being broken all over again. 

**o)------------o)O(o------------(o**


End file.
